


Il Destino

by popchoc



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: (Clearly thinking back of this story that's basically all I remember - lol), Alternate Universe - Canon, Conflict, F/F, Friendship, Humor, Romance, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 13:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20601287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popchoc/pseuds/popchoc
Summary: Arizona does not like to be ghosted. The opposite, on the other hand, turns out to be great fun! Well, at least till things get complicated. Which they do - of course... They always do.Basically the complete Arizona & Carina story, or at least my take on it, with extended and deleted scenes from ep. 14x01 and beyond.





	1. Break Down The House

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written (and posted elsewhere) between sept. '17 and feb. '18. Started as a one-shot, turning into a fullblown fic slash hardcore challenge with me trying to keep up with real time broadcasting _and_ canon story telling. Ergo: with every new episode I was scared to death that Grey's was about to mess up what I'd just written. Fortunately, they hardly ever did!
> 
> _Note: English is not my first language (and neither is Italian!), I apologize for any spelling errors._

She ghosted me? She GHOSTED me?! I cannot get over it. The fact that people do that. That Eliza did that. To me!

I get pulled out of my thoughts when suddenly some woman I've never seen before shows up out of nowhere and takes the seat right next to me.

"You're drinking alone?" she asks me.

I look at her. "I was ghosted. By my girlfriend," I sigh.

The woman just nods, understandingly. I continue: "Do you know what that means? Ghosted?"

"_Sì_," she nods again, "she disappeared."

"Why am I the only person that doesn't...?" I exclaim, frustrated by the whole matter. "W- When did this become something that people do to other people?"

She shrugs. "I think it's because of the internet. We yell to our friends and family on Facebook in ways we would never do across a dinner table."

She has a strong accent. I have a thing for accents.

"We become uhm... rude," my neighbor goes on. "Unsensitive."

"Insensitive," I correct her, only to laugh it off straight away when she starts to repeat me like an eager student. "Forget it. I like your way better!"

We briefly smile at each other as we both take a sip of our drinks. I quickly glance at her. She's pretty - pretty hot, especially. I swirl the ice cubes around in my glass without really looking at them. "So, where you're from?"

"_Firenze,_" she answers.

I tilt my head a little. "Florance? You're Italian?" I double check, just to be sure.

"_Sì,_" she nods again, raising her hand to her chest. "My name is Carina."

I shift on my seat, turning a bit more towards her. "Arizona," I introduce myself as well, quickly adding: "That's my name, I mean, not my origin."

"A-ri-zo-na," Carina slowly repeats, like she's tasting the word on her lips. The way she pronounces my name sounds a bit funny. Sexy funny.

I quickly clear my throat.

"And what brings you here?" I ask, before taking another sip of my drink.

My new, foreign friend follows my example. She's drinking red wine. It suits her. "To Seattle? Work," she smiles as she puts her glass down. "And family." Her dark eyes start to roam over my face. "And to this bar," she continues, slowly dragging her bottom lip between her teeth, "I'd say... _il destino_. Fate."

I let out a nervous chuckle. I'm not new to this game. There's no question what this woman's intentions are. The only question here is... am _I_ up for it?

I avert my eyes, yet as I'm staring at my hands that are holding the glass in front of me, I can still feel Carina's hungry eyes on me. It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable though. It makes me feel excited. And wanted - which is exactly what I need right now, since someone else made me feel the exact opposite not that long ago. And I refuse to feel like _that_ any longer!

Which is why I abruptly pick up my glass to empty it in one gulp, turn my head and look at the woman next to me again. She's still smiling at me - patiently.

"Dirty bathroom or comfy couch?" I bluntly ask her, raising my brows suggestively.

Not able to help herself, Carina bursts into laughter. If her passionate laugh is any indication for everything else she does, I'm in for a good ride, I realize as I jump off of my seat, drawing Joe's attention. I subtly gesture to him to write down our drinks, then look at Carina again.

"Come on, let me show you a little bit more of Seattle!"

* * *

Of course a five minute drive in an Uber doesn't exactly equal a grand tour, but as neither of us is going for that anyway, neither of us complains.

"We're here," I tell both Carina and the driver when we reach my place.

As we leave the car and make our way to the front door, Carina looks up to have a better look at the house. "It's quite big, huh? You're sure you're not hiding a big family in there?"

I smile at her while I'm searching for my key. "I'm sure," I laugh. "Just a roommate, but he's at work. We've got the whole place to ourselves." I try to sound seductive, desperately hoping I'm not failing, as a little voice in my head points out that this woman is Italian - so there's no way I can compete with her, or whoever she's been with before.

But maybe I'm wrong about that...

Not even two steps in she puts both of her hands on my hips and spins me around, towards her, making me stumble backwards now. As a reaction I immediately wrap my arms around her neck, to make sure I don't trip, but mainly to pull her closer. To pull her in.

Our lips part as soon as they touch. Our tongues find each other, hot and wet, entwining in a deep, passionate kiss. When we break apart to gasp for some air, I can see my own lust mirrored in her eyes. Are we going too fast? Oh the hell with it, I didn't bring her here for candlelight dinner!

I take her hand and lead her to the living room. To the couch. "I promised you comfy, didn't I?" I wink, before pulling her in again. I can feel her laugh against my lips.

As we lower ourselves on the sofa, our lips still attached to each other, our hands start to explore. Carina slowly moves her fingers from my neck down to my shoulder, my chest. She cups my breast and softly squeezes it, making me arch in pleasure.

"You like that, huh?" she breathes, as she moves her lips to my ear, gently biting it, sending shivers down my spine.

"Uh-uh," I stammer, unable to form coherent words.

She swipes my hair to the side and attaches her lips to the sensitive skin of my neck. "Let's see what else you like," she whispers in between open-mouthed kisses. She runs her tongue over my racing pulse point, while her skilled fingers start to unbutton my shirt, revealing my black lingerie. I open my eyes just in time to see the look on her face.

"_Mamma mia?!_" I can't help but joke.

A heartfelt laugh escapes her lips. "_Sì! Mamma mia!_" she grins, before smoothly slipping off my shirt like she's unwrapping a present. "What else do you have hid-" she starts, but I cut her off by pulling her in for another hot, searing kiss.

"My turn now," I whisper, when our lips break apart again. My fingers find their way down to the buttons of her blouse, opening them one by one. "Holy..." I start when I discover her tight abs, not able to finish my own sentence.

Carina chuckles again, then gently pushes me backwards, hoovering over me as she kisses me once more. I pull her in, not minding the weight on top of me, enjoying every second of this make out session that I know will not end here. Oh no, we're just getting started!

We could lose some more clothes though. As I wiggle my hand between our bodies, I manage to unbutton her jeans. Yes, there are definitively more women with skilled fingers in this room, and I-

Suddenly the light switches on, making us both sit up in an instant.

Andrew is home!

As we are pretty much impossible to miss, occupying the living room - half naked! - Andrew quickly averts his eyes as soon as he catches us, apologizing while running up the stairs. But it's Carina who really surprises me.

"_Andrea?!_" she questions out loud, jumping up and looking at Andrew.

Andrew faces her. "Carina?!"

Before I know it, Andrew and Carina start to jibber-jabber, extremely fast and - even worse! - in Italian, making me not understand any of it. The only words I do get are _casa, ospedale_ and _mamma._ In the meantime these two seem to be really good in fighting like this - they look like they can go on for hours, which is not the kind of entertainment I had in mind. I have to stop them.

"Excuse me," I quietly start, with no effect whatsoever. Not knowing what else to do, I raise my voice. "_Scusi,_" I yell.

It works, they both finally look at me, although they don't seem very pleased with the interruption. "Sorry, that's the only word I know in Italian," I murmur. "Uhm, _why _are we speaking Italian?"

"He's my stupid little brother," Carina explains, just before Andrew starts muttering in Italian again, dragging his sister back in their incomprehensible discussion.

"Uhm, hi!? Uh, excuse me," I try to draw their attention again. "I'm still here! I- I still don't speak Italian!"

Andrew takes a deep breath and a step backwards, while raising his hands. "You know what, have fun. I'm gonna sleep at the hospital." And with that he takes off, making Carina groan in despair.

"Agh, he's such a baby boy! Trying to pretend that sex doesn't exist, just because he isn't having any," she rambles.

I am occupied with my own thoughts. "Andrew is Italian?!" I frown.

Exhaling, Carina looks at me again. "Andrea is his given name."

"Huh!" I exclaim, a little flabbergasted by this brand new information. Carina looks at me, a mischievous smile creeping on her face, telling me the emotions of the fight apparently vanished as quickly as they'd showed up. Like she has some on and off switch. Or maybe it's an Italian thing?

"Where were we?" she asks me.

"I think- I'm pretty sure you were about to take off your shirt," I grin.

She mirrors my grin. "I think so, too," she laughs. She drops her shirt on the floor as she closes the distance between us - showing me those amazing abs again. "_Vieni qua,_" she mumbles, before gently directing me back on the couch. I chuckle again, but she quiets me by capturing my lips and easing her tongue inside. I start to moan as our kiss quickly becomes more heated. We've lost enough time as it is.

It doesn't take long before the room is filled with the sounds of our heavy breathing. When Carina drags her teeth over my earlobe again, I feel like I'm about to lose it. Boy, this woman really knows how she can drive me wild! In response I grasp her ass and yank her in closer, craving for more contact.

She gets the hint and starts grinding into me, making me feel really good, but longing for so much more at the same time. I move my hands - roaming the smooth skin of her back - and unclasp her bra, then lower my hands again to tug at her jeans. She lifts her hips to help me out, but it's still quite the struggle to get them off, making her sit up a little in the end.

"Let's get this over with," she winks, as she quickly pulls down her own pants and throws them on the floor. When she starts unbuttoning mine, she playfully looks up through her eyelashes. Right then I lay my hand on top of hers, making her stop halfway.

"Wait. I need to tell- You need to kn-" I stammer.

Carina gently rests her hand on my left shin. "I already know," she softly smiles, "It's okay." She leans in for a soft, reassuring kiss, telling me it really is. Without any hesitation she continues working on my jeans. It finds its way to the floor in a matter of seconds, quickly followed by the rest of our clothes. Leaving us completely naked.

For a moment, I can't help but stare at her.

"God, you're beautiful," I sigh, before pulling her on top of me again. Carina brushes a strand of blonde hair off my forehead.

"_Sei bellissima,_" she whispers in return, before connecting our lips again.

As our hands continue to discover every inch of each other's skin and our bodies start to rock into each other again, I can feel her arousal against my leg. I can't think of a bigger turn-on.

"I need you," I whimper, "Now. D- down there."

"_Lo so,_" Carina breathes against my lips. "I know."

She lowers her hand and slips it between our bodies, quickly finding the spot where I need her the most. We both exhale deeply when she soaks her fingers in my wet, slick folds. When she starts to stroke my clit, drawing circles in a steady rhythm, I begin to moan again - soft, but unable to control.

"Yes, right there!" I cry out, digging my fingernails into her shoulders. My heart is pounding so fast, I wonder if I should worry about it.

Carina doesn't stick to her spot for long though, as she suddenly slides off the couch and takes place right next to it. The sudden lack of contact makes me about to protest, but before I can, she already pulls me near, placing my leg over her shoulder and burying her face in my sex. Her tongue enters me, deep and strong, and I raise my hips up and down to match her thrusts. Louder moans come from deep inside me. When she moves upwards a little, her tongue circling my clit again, making me writhe underneath it, I feel like I can't control my body anymore.

I want to though, since I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready for this to be over.

I gently push her away from me, just to be able to lower myself to the floor as well. As I lay myself down on the soft carpet, I pull her in for another kiss, tasting myself on those amazing lips. I direct her partly on top of me again, without any words.

She kisses me deeply - leaning on her strong arms, making sure she's not pressing all her weight on me. She slowly starts to move, rubbing her wet, throbbing core against mine. I can feel her swollen clit, and every time it touches my own, I feel electric bolts shooting through my body. Carina starts to grind harder, and faster, and I feel how the tension is becoming too much. In the desperate need to stay in the moment, I close my eyes.

"Don't," Carina groans, "Look at me!"

When I open my eyes again I can tell she is close as well. With our faces just a few inches away from each other, our eyes lock. As we keep bucking into each other, we start panting into each other's mouths, sharing the little air in between. I can't hold it any longer. I start to squirm, then feel my body tense, before it begins to jolt - uncontrollably. Just like Carina's, who's orgasm seems to hit her at the same moment - like a lightning strike.

She managed to make us come together. If that's an Italian thing as well, then I should really go there more often!

As Carina rides out her release, her arms finally give in. She cautiously drops her sweaty body on top of mine. She stays there for a few seconds, then rolls away, releasing me from her weight.

Lying next to each other, our overheated bodies completely stretched out on the carpet, our chests still rapidly rising up and down, we just stare at the ceiling. When we're slowly catching our breaths again, we both start to laugh - softly at first, but quickly fully out loud. Carina turns her head, facing me.

"Well, that was fun," she smirks.

"_Sì,_" I giggle, "it really was!"

I roll to my side, finally looking at her again. A big smile flashes over my face.

"Welcome to America!" ;-)

... ...


	2. Get Off On The Pain

As I slowly come back to earth, I start to realize that I'm not as comfortable as I should be. Even though the carpet is soft, and we somehow managed to create a bit more space by moving aside the coffee table, somewhere in the middle of our little sexcapade (seriously, when did that happen?), there's still something very wrong here.

Oh right... I'm getting cold.

Barely able to move yet, I stretch my arm to pull the blanket off the couch. Just when I'm about to cover the both of us with it, Carina sits up and reaches for her clothes that are spread all over the floor.

"You're going?" I frown, a bit surprised. I sit up as well. "Cause you don't have to. I mean, you can of course, but you don't have to. I don't mind if you st-" I ramble, until Carina quiets me by suddenly pressing her lips against mine.

"Ssst! Don't worry. I'm not ghosting you," she winks, "I just don't do... what do you call them? - ah, sleepovers!"

I stare at her. "Like, as a rule?" I question out loud, furrowing my brow.

"_Sì,_" she answers matter-of-factly, as she stands up and maneuvers herself back in her jeans. How does she still have the energy to move and jump around like this? While buttoning up her pants, she looks down at me again, a calm smile on her face. "Something like that."

I don't fight her. I don't react at all. I'm very aware of the fact that I have about half a minute left to glance at that delightful body in front of me and I intend to enjoy every second of it.

Too soon for my liking, Carina is fully dressed again. She drops herself on her knees and pulls me in for another slow kiss. "But please, do come and say 'Hey' when you see me again!" she whispers, as our lips break apart. With our faces still close together, our eyes meet. She has this intense gaze that makes my body tingle all over again. At a loss for words, I just nod.

Other than that, we don't move. For a brief moment the room stays quiet. I suddenly feel like the world is about to stop turning. Then a hint of a grin flashes over her face. She swiftly leans in to give me another peck on the lips, then jumps up on her feet in one fluid movement.

"Again, so much fun!" she cries out, as she starts making her way to the front door. Before completely disappearing out of sight, she looks over her shoulder and blows me a kiss. "_Ciao, bella! _" she chants.

And then she's gone.

"C-ciao," I quietly answer to the now empty room. A little bedazzled by everything that just happened, I blankly stare into the distance. A deep sigh escapes me as I drop myself backwards on the floor, pulling the blanket on top of me. My tongue flicks over my bottom lip in the sudden need to hold on to that taste a little longer. The taste of sex. The taste of Carina. I slowly exhale, then close my eyes.

For the first time in days, I feel alright again. Alive. Blissful. And completely satisfied.

* * *

It's quite a busy day at the hospital, but despite the lack of sleep I have plenty of energy to handle it all. I feel recharged. To more than a hundred percent, even though I know that's scientifically impossible.

I just finished rounds and I'm about to prepare for surgery, when I pass Bailey's office. Looking through the window, I can tell she has a visitor. I come to an abrupt halt. Why is Carina in there?

Right at that moment, with the universe apparently on my side for once, Andrew walks by.

"Hey! Hey, Andrew!" I call. He turns around. "Or is it _Andrrrea_?" I can't help but tease.

"Andrew, please!" he sighs, albeit playfully, as he joins me and follows my gaze, spotting his sister talking to our Chief of Surgery.

"Why is your sister talking to Bailey?" I curiously ask him.

He shrugs. "I don't know. She asked me to introduce them, so I did."

I look at him, a little confused. "Uhh, why? I mean, what does she do - for a living? What does she do for a living?" I stutter.

"I see you two did a lot of talking last night," Andrew remarks, making a face. I give him a look, which he ignores. "She's an OB-GYN," he explains, before turning around and leaving me to ponder on that.

"Huh," I exclaim to no one in particular, mainly because there's no one around me anymore. It doesn't stop me from talking out loud. "No wonder..."

* * *

My eyes scan the cafeteria as soon as I walk in there, searching for my friend. Just as I hoped for, April is having a late lunch, all by herself. I rush to her and take a seat across the small table, making April look up at me.

"Arizona, hi! Did you find her?" she asks me straight away, with eyes full of expectation.

I narrow my eyes. "Who?" I ask in return. She can't already know, right?

"Eliza!" she painfully reminds me.

"Oh," I blink, realizing I haven't really been thinking about her anymore. "No. Oh no, she's gone. Like, really gone. Ghosted, like you said."

She gives me a suspicious look. "You look awfully cheerful for someone who just got abandoned."

Finally about to share my story with someone, I lean in a little. "I had the best sex ever last night," I whisper under my breath. "Well, not ever, but - yeah, maybe ever, actually."

"Already?" she cries out, quickly adding: "No, I don't mean.. I'm not judging! God, I wish I..." she stops talking mid-sentence and clears her throat. "So? Who's the lucky lady?"

"I am," I smirk. "Did I already tell you how really, really good it was?"

April bursts into laughter. "You did! But those are not the kind of details I'm asking for. What are we talking about here? Drunken mistake? One time rebound? New loooove, maybe?!" She stretches out the l-word like only a true romance fanatic can do.

"Oh no, definitely not love!" I shiver, like the word and everything it stands for creeps me out. "I'm done with that for a very long time! But no mistake either. Mistakes don't make you com-"

"Okay, enough!" she cuts me off. "A little consideration for your dry-spelled sister, please!"

I raise my hands, surrendering, yet unable to wipe the euphoric grin of my face. "I'm sorry, I'll stop. What was your question again?"

She just shakes her head, an amused look on her face.

I sit back in my chair. "Honestly," I admit, "I have no clue what this was. Or is. Between you and me, yes, we're talking rebound here. A one time thing. Which was exactly what I needed after..." I fall quiet.

April raises her eyebrows. "Buuuut?" she asks impatiently.

"But she's not exactly going anywhere," I continue, suddenly shooting forward in my seat again, hissing, "She's DeLuca's sister!"

"You slept with De-" she exclaims, her eyes growing big. "Does he know?!"

I exhale. "Yes, but that's not the point. He's a big boy. He can handle it. The point is, she'll stick around for a while. Because of her brother."

"And because of her job here," April adds, nodding understandingly.

Now I'm the one looking bewildered. "Because of...? What?!"

She starts laughing again. "Seriously? You haven't heard about DeLuca's sister starting her research here? Everyone is talking about it!" She coughs, suddenly looking a little uncomfortable, before she continues in a conspiring tone, "It's quite controversial."

"I was in surgery," I sigh. "Wh- what's the research?"

April takes the last bite of her sandwich, then shoves her glass towards me. "Here, have some water, you might need it," she suggests. I gratefully accept the drink. Just as I'm about to take a sip, she speaks up again.

"She studies the female orgasm," she blurts out, making me spray a mouthful of water across the table.

Gasping and coughing from almost choking, I give April her drink back. "Okay, you did this on purpose!" I grumble, pointing at the water.

April, in the meantime, is clearly having the time of her life. She throws her head back as her laughter fills the cafeteria. "You should see your face!" she cries out, almost choking herself by now for whole different reasons.

Ignoring the mess I made on the table, I lean forward again. "You're joking right?" I quietly ask, wide-eyed.

"I'm really not," she chuckles, using her sleeve to wipe the tears of her face. She takes a deep breath, trying to continue the conversation on a slightly more serious tone, which isn't easy considering the subject. "It's not as bad as it sounds," she starts to clarify, "As far as I heard, it's actually about pain control."

"Hm. Well, I sure can imagine how that could work," I murmur.

"You would know, wouldn't you?" she winks teasingly. "Maybe you were meant to be her test subject?"

I lean back, a small smile creeping on my face as I gaze into the distance. "El desta-... deste-" I quietly mumble, mainly to myself.

April furrows her brows, a confused look on her face. "What?"

Blinking to pull myself back to the present, I look at her again.

"Fate," I tell my friend. "Some people might call it fate."

* * *

Now technically Carina had told me to come and say 'Hey' when I _happen_ to see her, which doesn't exactly mean "come look for me". But she probably wouldn't mind being welcomed to the hospital, right? After all, we are co-workers now. Saying hello is just common courtesy.

It's not that hard to track her down, since April told me that the research apparently involves brain scans and we don't have that many MRI machines at Grey Sloan. Semi-casually strolling around at Neuro, I spot her within a minute. With her eyes focused on the computer screen in front of her, Carina doesn't seem to notice me right away. A minute ago the thought that I might come across as a creepy stalker caused a nervous twitch in my stomach, but now that I see her again, all I can think of is the amount of fun we had before.

"Hey!" I cheer, exactly as I'd promised the other night. She looks up from the computer.

"Arizona, hi!" she cries out, sounding pleasantly surprised. Just like before she pronounces my name in a way that gives me goosebumps.

With her eyes already back on the screen, Carina invites me in. "Come in. Close the door," she tells me, catching me off guard for a second. I close the glass door behind me and sharply exhale, trying to ground myself. It's just the two of us again - oh boy. I turn around and cross the room.

"So, uhm.. do you have a patient in there now?" I curiously ask.

"No. Just reviewing scans," she answers with a smile, while clicking through the images.

"Wow!" I sigh, sincerely amazed by the bright images on the screen.

"Right? Aren't they beautiful?" She finally looks up again as I take a seat at the desk.

I gape at the pictures. "Yes, gosh, they are so colorful!"

Carina nods in agreement. Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, she's standing right next to me. When she bends over to reach for the mouse, our faces almost touch. Her scent immediately brings back the memories of last night. It's... intoxicating.

"And you see here..." she starts to point out, as we briefly look at each other before our eyes return to the screen, "...here's where the tension is building."

With her mouth even closer to my face now, I can feel her hot breath caressing my skin. Subconsciously, I shift in my chair, closing the little distance between us even more; realizing once again that magnetic attraction is indeed a real thing.

She keeps clicking, showing one scan after another. "And here," she quietly continues, "...a little more tension."

I want to react, but other than some weird sound that gives away my lack of air, no words come out.

"And here..." she teases, as she gently brushes my hair to the side and seductively drags her teeth over the shell of my ear - oh no, not the ear again! "...we are building... toward climax."

I swallow. "Uh uh," I gasp, not able to say anything else. I feel how she grazes her lips over my neck - a feather light touch.

"And here, we have..." she breathes against my delicate skin, before moving her lips up to my ear again, "...release."

I exhale deeply, almost relieved. Almost as if I... I close my eyes for a short second, then quickly pull myself back to reality. "Uh uh," I nod once again.

"Hm hm," Carina echoes me, "The female brain is a magical place!"

Our eyes lock, briefly, before we both glance at the hallway. Relieved to see that we didn't draw an audience behind that glass door, I take another deep breath. I can't believe I'm sitting here, in plain sight, getting this worked up by the new doc on the block.

Desperately trying to ignore the heat rising to my face, the fast pounding of my heart, and the undeniable throbbing between my legs, I clear my throat. "Doesn't uhm," I start, fighting my dry mouth, "doesn't the MRI require you to lie totally still?"

Carina leans against the desk, looking down at me. There's an amused smile on her lips, like she's waiting for the real question.

"To get good scans, I mean," I quickly add, trying to act normal. To somewhat lift the heavy air, or the tension as Carina would probably call it, a little.

"_Sì_, it does. But well, I just need scans of the brain of course. The rest of the body can move around as much as wanted. Or needed," she grins, raising her eyebrows suggestively. "But yes, I admit, it's quite a challenge."

She leans forward a little, resting her hand on my knee. As our eyes meet, she gives me that intense look again. "Are you up for it?"

For the second time today, I almost choke. "What? No! Hell no! I'm not going in there!" I laugh, both amused and aghast.

Not able to keep her face straight, Carina bursts into laughter as well. "You know, I could keep you company in there?" she winks, "Get you started."

I know that she's only joking, and not trying to force me whatsoever, but I'm also pretty sure that she actually would get me in there as soon as I'd agree to this. I clear my throat once again, then force myself to get up.

"I'm walking away now," I state, trying to sound determined.

She tilts her head, playfully. "Are you sure?" she laughs.

"Oh, I'm very sure!" I smirk, as I quickly make my way to the door, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder.

Once back in the hallway, out of sight, I lean against the wall - searching for support as my legs don't seem able to carry me any longer. I close my eyes. There are a lot of things I am sure about. A lot. One of them being that I've never been this unsure in my entire life!

... ...


	3. Go Big Or Go Home

Flying. I still hate it. After all this time, I still absolutely, freaking hate it. But if this is the only way to see my daughter a bit more often, then there's nothing that can keep me out of an airplane. Even if that means sweaty hands, serious breathing difficulties and an urge to vomit in the middle of the aisle for six hours straight.

After Bailey forced me to finally compensate the many, many extra hours I've recently made, I decided to fly to New York for a few days, as Sofia couldn't miss any schooldays. It made for the perfect short holiday, with lazy mornings in my fancy hotel, and a whole bunch of wonderful afternoons together with my little girl.

Yet of course the fun had to end at some point. I have to be back at work tomorrow, hence to be back in the plane today. Scared shitless once again. And hating this return flight even more, knowing Sofia won't be waiting for me this time. And neither will anyone else...

When the voice of the pilot sounds through the speakers, telling crew and passengers to prepare for landing, I exhale heavily. The worst part is about to begin, but at least this hell will be over soon. In about fifteen minutes I'll be back on the ground again. Safe... or dead (no, don't think like that!), but on the ground no matter what.

I close the unread book in my lap. I bought it at the airport bookshop, a little less than a week ago. _Italian For Beginners_. I just happened to spot it when I was looking for a magazine and thought it could be funny to learn a few phrases. To surprise my roommate when I get back. And maybe even his insanely hot sister, if she would still be around by then.

But New York has kept me busy with long bubble baths, endless shopping, strolls through the park and - of course - motherhood, and once back in the plane I've been occupied with simply keeping it together. So by now I still don't know much more than _Va fa Napoli_, which I learned by watching Friends, so who knows if that's even an actual saying.

I pull my seat belt as tight as possible and close my eyes. Now only my ears give away the fact that we're descending pretty fast. Pinching my nose, I equalize the pressure a few times. Sooner than expected, I feel a jolt, telling me the aircraft touched down on the runway. The pilot speaks up again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Sea-Tac Airport. Local time is 7:40 PM and the temperature is 63ºF."

I take a deep breath. And then another one. I made it through. It's over.

"...on behalf of Delta Airlines and the entire crew, I'd like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a splendid evening!"

Yeah, let's see about that, I think rather cynical, as I stand up to get my luggage from the overhead compartment. I'd say it's been enough for a while.

* * *

Glad to be finally home after the long trip - and with the full intention of doing absolutely nothing at all for the rest of the night - I open my front door, surprised to be welcomed by sounds of great laughter. And not just laughter, also words. A lot of words - rapidly spoken, Italian words to be exactly, telling me Andrew is home. And he's not alone. I stop and listen.

"_Ti sto dicendo,_" my roommate cries out, "_avresti dovuto guardare il suo volto!_"

There's more laughing, passionately, as his story is obviously the cause of much hilarity.

"_Non sapevi che era sua figlia?!_" Carina roars with laughter, confirming my hunch that his sister is indeed in there as well.

Leaving my suitcase in the hallway, I turn around the corner to enter the kitchen. Andrew and Carina are sitting at the kitchen table, their empty plates still in front of them. By the looks of it they just finished a big, family-style dinner. They both look up as soon as I walk in.

"Arizona!" Carina cheers, "You're back!"

"I am," I smile at her. It's hard not to get infected by her enthusiasm.

She raises a bottle. "We're drinking red. Join us!"

"Uhm, _you're_ drinking red," Andrew coughs, "I'm on-call." He moves the empty chair next to him aside a little, inviting me to sit down. "But yes, join us! How was your flight?"

"Worth forgetting about as quickly as possible," I sigh, even though I know it was actually not that bad, at least not for pretty much everyone else on that plane. I drop myself on the chair, pull an empty mug toward me and offer it to Carina. After all, the pilot did tell me to have a splendid evening.

"Hit me!" I tell her.

With her eyes on the mug, she makes a face. "_Mio Dio_," she scoffs, "Don't insult the wine!"

"I- I'm not," I stutter defensively. Seriously, what's wrong with drinking wine out of a mug?

"She's right, you know," Andrew tells me, looking dead serious. He gets up to get me a decent glass. It's two against one, I realize. I'm not going to win this.

Carina accepts the glass and pours me some wine, then refills her own glass as well. We all raise our drinks.

"_Saluti!_" the two DeLuca's toast at the same time.

"Saluty!" I copy them, evoking two endearing smiles.

"Close enough," Andrew winks.

I playfully slap his head. "Shut up, _Andrrrea_!" I giggle, before looking round the table again. "So what were you guys laughing about?"

"Andrea's unfortunate hook up with his boss's daughter," Carina chuckles, before Andrew can stop her.

I slowly exhale as I sit back in my chair - finally able to relax. "Oh yeah, that's a good story. Never gets old."

"I didn't know!" Andrew exclaims, almost making Carina choke in her wine.

"See," she tells me, "I told you he is my _stupid_ little brother."

Just as he wants to defend himself, a beeping sound draws our attention. Andrew checks his phone.

"Sorry ladies, gotta go!" he tells us, jumping up from his chair.

"Amelia?" Carina asks, suddenly a bit more serious.

"No, it's someone else," he tells her, a small, reassuring smile on his lips. He faces me. "I'm sorry about this mess, I'll clean it up as soo-"

"Forget about it," I cut him off. "It's not like I've never been paged before. Go! Save lives!"

He nods at me, quickly presses a kiss on top of his sister's head, then sprints out of the kitchen. When the front door slams shut, Carina and I are alone again.

I furrow my brow. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," she answers, "He just... had a rough week."

I take another sip of my wine. "He's a good guy," I muse. "You should be proud of him."

"I am," Carina nods. Her face lights up, and I believe her straight away.

"You know, sharing this place with him for quite a while now, going through a few messy things with him by my side, he does start to feel like my little brother, too," I continue, quickly adding, "Not that I feel related to _you_ in _any_ way!"

She throws her head back in laughter. "Good!" she grins, "Cause we can't have that, can we?!"

I don't answer her question. 

I just look at her, as she looks at me, subconsciously biting my bottom lip as I think back of last week. Of her fingers, her tongue, her body all over me... I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry as a dessert.

I watch her. Watch how she slowly gets up. She's wearing a dress - short enough to show most of her legs, tight enough to show her abs through the fabric. It looks ridiculously good on her. As I keep staring, completely mesmerized, she makes her way around the table.

"...especially if we want a bit more of this," she smirks, cautiously straddling my lap, making her dress creep up to her hips. She drapes her arms around my neck and moves her lips to my ear. "Is this okay?" she whispers, hoarse and considerate at the same time.

I take her by the hips and pull her closer towards me, _against_ me, making sure my leg isn't giving us any problems.

"Now it is," I breathe, my mouth already searching for hers - suddenly hungry for her lips. My heartbeat quickens as our mouths find each other. As I softly graze my tongue over her lips. As she opens them for me, inviting me in, and quickly makes me whimper into her mouth - breathlessly.

With our tongues dancing in unison, I move my hands further up. I easily find the zipper of her dress. Without breaking our kiss, I pull it down. Slowly. Teasingly. Carina lets out a small moan of approval and drops her arms, just long enough to make the upper part of her dress slip down.

I move my lips downwards, tracing my tongue over her jawline, then the sensitive skin of her throat, the swell of her breast, till it finds her nipple. I circle my tongue over the silk of her bra, marking the spot, then lower the material to suck the hard peek into my mouth. Writhing and gasping in pleasure, Carina arches her back, clutching at my shoulders and pressing her core even more against my stomach.

With my lips still attached to the flesh of her nipple, she rocks into me, making the hem of my shirt move upward. As she starts tribbing against my bare abdomen, I can feel the hot, damp fabric of her silk panties.

"You're so wet," I groan against her skin.

"You-," she husks in my ear, before running her tongue over the skin behind it, "You have that effect on me."

"I wanna..." I breathe heavily, as I tilt my head, giving her more room to work her magic, "I wanna taste you."

Not waiting for her response, I gently push her back a little. She gets the hint and swiftly moves off my lap, hopping straight onto the kitchen table behind her. One of the plates falls off and breaks into pieces on the floor. I can't worry about it.

Standing in front of her now, I kiss her again, hard and deep. My hands trail down, quickly followed by my lips, roaming over the soft skin of her chest, her breasts, her stomach.

"Off," she tells me, clearly not referring to her dress, as that particular garment isn't bothering us right now.

I hook my thumbs into her panties and slowly slide them down her long legs. Kissing my way back up, I spread them. As I get closer, I can smell her arousal. I raise my hand to her abdomen and softly push her backward. Leaning on her elbows her pelvic moves up, giving me full access. For a second I just gaze at her glistering core, but then I can't resist anymore.

As soon as I swipe my tongue over her folds, she grabs my head to keep me close.

"A- Arizona, yes!" she cries, and I feel thrilled that I can give her just as much pleasure as she's giving me.

I lick up her slit, sliding my tongue between her wet lips, until I reach her clit. I suck it into my mouth, then start all over again. Sounds of heavy moans fill the room, hers as well as mine. Her wetness gushes out of her entrance, into my mouth. Carina starts squirming on the table. More dishes hit the floor. I don't care. My mouth finds her clit again. I start flicking it with my tongue, vigorously.

"Oooh! _Oh, Mio Dio! _" she groans for the second time that day, "So... so good!"

All her muscles seem to tighten as she starts grinding up onto my mouth, uncontrollably. She's close. So close. I pull her even closer against me. And with that she comes against my tongue - hard, wet and screaming.

Still trembling, she slowly lets go of my hair. I look at her. She's lying flat back on my kitchen table, panting heavily, with her chest rising up and down like she's been chased by the devil. But it wasn't the devil. It was me. All me.

"You're okay?" I ask her, barely able to speak myself.

She tilts her head so she can look at me. A satisfied grin flashes over her face. "Very okay," she sighs with a husky voice, "And very grateful."

Her grin grows even bigger when she slides off the table to face me again. Quite to my surprise she's still able to stand on her feet. She pulls me in for a kiss, then licks her lips.

"Hm, I guess you like Italian, huh?" she winks.

"Shut u-" I laugh, but once again I can't finish, as she presses her lips on mine again, moving the both of us towards the door at the same time. We don't make it, as we hit the wall next to it. Pinning me against it, she attacks my neck with her lips. I let her, because... why shouldn't I? I can feel how her fingers trail down, till they find the button of my jeans.

"You know, I have a perfectly fine bedr-ooooh.." I moan, not able to finish whatever I was going to say as her hand slips into my panties. With my back against the wall, her tongue against my racing pulse point and her fingers rubbing my wet, swollen clit the world around me quickly becomes misty... in the best possible way.

* * *

I'm late. Meaning it wouldn't be the worst idea to walk a little faster. Unfortunately, my body doesn't seem to allow me the extra effort. My leg feels a bit sore and my back hurts. I can't really remember pulling a muscle last night, but then again, Carina hasn't been preaching the happy brain chemicals for nothing. And she's not wrong. As I like to say myself: best cure for a headache! So yeah, it's a true thing - as long as they're actually doing their job, that is.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost bump into April.

"Whoa, what's with the rush?" my friend asks me. "Early surgery?"

I shake my head. "No, I've got a... thing. I don't know. Something Bailey came up with, some guard of honor ceremony for the old Avery."

"Sounds interesting," April mumbles sarcastically.

"Yeah, I don't think it is," I laugh. We step into the elevator together. "Anyhow, how are you?" I ask her, since we haven't seen each other for a week.

She drops her shoulders. "I left Jackson. His place, I mean. I moved out."

I slowly nod, understandingly. "Things were getting too complicated, huh? I get that. So, you feel better now?"

"In a way," she sighs, "But I can't say I'm skipping with joy these days."

"You know," I start, "you just need some good se-"

"Arizona!"

I play innocent. "What?"

The bell rings and we both leave the elevator. "Sex isn't the answer to everything," April mutters underneath her breath.

"Oh, believe me, _good_ sex is!" I chuckle, taking my friend by the arm and pulling her a little closer. "I'm just- I'm saying that the skill level is curative. It's a curative level of sex," I laugh. "It erases pain and fixes things. Like Eliza? Erased, on a cellular level. Just... she's gone! Last night, Carina had me up against the..."

"You're late for the thing," April quiets me, grumbling and grabbing me by the shoulders to spin me around at the same time. She pushes me away from her. Not able to stop laughing, I quickly join the group of department heads, who are just being yelled at by Bailey.

"This is not every department head!" she rants, "I said every department head. Pierce, where's Shepherd?"

Maggie shakes her head. "I haven't seen her all morning."

"And Grey?!" Bailey continues.

"You don't want her mood here!" Alex tells her, without looking up from his phone.

Maybe I should, being a board member and all, but I can't really be bothered by the whole thing. I walk up to Richard.

"Good morning!" I cheer.

He looks at me, a smile on his face. "Ah, Robbins, you're back! How was New York?"

"Super fun!" I answer with sparks in my eyes. I start telling him all about my trip, until Bailey asks for our attention again. We all take our places, as Catherine Avery and her charming father-in-law approach us.

Bailey takes a step forward. "Hello, Dr. Avery. I am Chief Miranda Bai-"

"Bailey," Harper Avery cuts her off, "I remember you. What is this? Window dressing?"

Among my co-workers, I quickly wave at him and give him a smile - not that he really deserves one.

"Don't you people have jobs to do?" he barks, before turning around and leaving us without saying another word.

Well, that went well...

Bailey faces us again. "He doesn't like crowds," she states the obvious.

"Nope!" Jackson agrees in an I-told-you-so voice.

I can't help but giggle, secretly amused by this little fiasco, till I get distracted by the sound of my pager, telling me I've got a patient coming in. I did an ablation on this woman's baby at 18 weeks and told the parents I wanted to be there when the little one is born - just to be safe. Apparently, today is the day. Time to jump into my scrubs!

Turning around to make my way to the attendings' lounge, I catch Warren standing in the hallway. I call him.

"Warren! You're on my service today, right?"

He nods.

"Great. We've got a patient on the way. Meet me in labor room 6, okay?" I instruct him. As I'm about to continue my way, a hint of pain flashes over my face. Briefly, but long enough for Warren to notice.

"Are you okay?" he frowns.

I quickly smile at him. "I'm fine."

I might not be at my best today, but I'm sure as hell not going to tell him - senior resident at this hospital, and not to mention husband of the Chief - about my little sex injury!

* * *

About three hours later, I meet Richard for a quick coffee in the middle of the fourth floor hallway, as I hadn't finished my New York story yet. Telling him more about my adventures at the east coast, I conclude, "...so yeah, loads of fun!"

"Sounds like you made the right call going over there," he smiles at me. "I'm glad you had such a good time."

"Me too," I grin, "Not that we can't have a lot of fun here as well, as we learned this morning!"

Richard makes a face. "Hm, I don't think Bailey would agree on that."

I turn around to watch Bailey and the Avery clan through the window of the conference room. "How long have they been in there?"

"Too long. I wish I could help, but it seems whenever I try and help today, people are dismissive and rude and just downright mean," Richard grumbles. I don't get the chance to react, as a familiar voice suddenly draws my attention.

"_Buongiorno,_" Carina announces herself from out of nowhere, making me turn around in surprise.

"Hi!" I exclaim, as Carina kisses me twice, once on each cheek. I haven't seen her since last night.

"Do you wanna come to lunch with us?" she asks me, gesturing at both Andrew, who's standing behind her, and herself.

I open my mouth to respond, but Warren interrupts me before I can say anything. "Marnie is still at 4 centimeters," he tells me, as he hands me the chart. "We've tried laps, squats, bouncing on the birthing ball. Her cervix won't budge."

"Give her oxytocin," Carina interferes.

"We can't. She's allergic to Pitocin and Syntocinon. All forms of it," I start to explain, but Carina stops me halfway.

"No, no, no, no, not synthetic oxytocin. I'm saying natural oxytocin. No one is allergic to that!" she points out, giving us a meaningful look.

"Great! How do I do that?" Warren asks eagerly.

I glance at Carina, then look at Warren again. "I assume that she's referring to nipple stimulation. It can increase the body's natural levels of oxytocin."

Warren's eyes grow big. "Nope! I'm not doing that!" he states.

"You wouldn't be the one doing it!" I set him straight, highly amused by his reaction.

"Can we please go to lunch?" Andrew quietly asks his sister, who completely ignores him.

"I'm not talking about upstairs stimulation," she clarifies, while making quite suggestive hand gestures, "I mean downstairs stimulation. With climax, of course."

Warren and I both shrug. "O- Of course," we agree, simultaneously.

Richard, also still here, is less convinced. He frowns. "I-I beg your pardon?"

"The patient's water is already broken, so I don't think that anything should be, you know, going- going up there," Warren mentions, dismissing Carina's suggestion.

This time I'm the one making a face - a face of disbelieve. Doesn't this guy know _anything_? Oh, poor Bailey...

Carina seems to share my thoughts. "Uh, okay, nothing needs to go _up_ there. There is a perfect little bundle of nerves on the outside, Doctor."

"Y-Yes. I'm- I'm aware. But, um I..." Warren starts stammering. I decide to come to his rescue.

"We're just- We're gonna figure something else out, Dr. Warren," I grin, returning the tablet to him.

"Thank you!" he sighs in relieve.

We turn around and start walking away, but Carina stops us. "How long has this mother been laboring?" she questions.

Warren and I exchange a look, before I face her again. "I'd say almost 20 hours."

"And she still has 6 centimeters to go?" she checks. "That's hours and hours of more unnecessary pain and risk of complications when the body has a built-in mechanism to speed this process along. It's no mistake that God put the G-spot in the birth canal," she lectures us.

"That's the first time I've ever heard those three things in the same sentence," Richard notes dryly.

"I'm only saying: what gets the baby in, also gets the baby out!" Carina points out.

"It's.. it's just not how I do things," I laugh, even though I know she's not wrong. "Warren, let's go." I turn around to leave for real this time, though clearly not fast enough as I'm still able to catch Carina's comment.

"She thought differently last night!" she shamelessly tells my co-workers.

Embarrassed to the bone, I feel like dying on the spot. First my china, then my body and now my reputation. This woman is destroying me on every level.

And yet I just know there's no way I'm going to make her stop.

... ...


	4. Ain't That A Kick In The Head

Okay, so we went for it. As we couldn't think of anything else to speed up Marnie's labor process, we told the parents-to-be that they might wanna... spice it up a little. To make her body forget about what's really going on. They took the advice.

Now this woman is making noises that are closest to that of a truck driving backwards, and I'm desperately trying to ignore them. God, I hope I don't ever sound like that!

"So, now what?" Warren asks me.

"Now we wait," I tell him. "You can get some food if you want, but make sure you stay close. I'll page you as soon as I need you."

He nods his head and takes off, while I turn around and start updating my charts - the loud sound of the reversing truck still predominantly present. I wonder if those construction workers are still around. Maybe they're able to build some soundproof labor rooms?

"Soooo.."

Carina's voice makes me look over my shoulder.

"..you decided to use my technique?" she notes with a smug smile on her face.

"No. No!" I react, as I turn away from her again. "No. No, no. My patient and her husband just wanted a little alone time."

"So he's using _his_ technique?" she laughs.

"No! No!" I exclaim. When I briefly look at her again, I see that she's actually joking, which unwillingly makes me laugh as well. "Maybe. I don't know," I grin. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Because- Because it's not gonna end up working, and they're just gonna end up getting a C-section anyways."

As I continue with my charts, Carina takes a step closer. She's standing right behind me now. "I don't understand why Americans are so prude," she sighs. "When you add pleasure to pain, pain can become pleasurable."

In a desperate attempt to ignore her, I refuse to look at her this time. It doesn't stop her at all. She leans in - her hands close to mine, her lips almost against my ear. "In the bedroom some people even ask for pain." She brushes my hair to the side. I want to tell her to stop, but no words come out - maybe because I'm not that sure? I swallow.

"A hair tug... A well-timed bite on the neck," she quietly continues, her hot breath against my skin. Damn, she's mean! I shake my head, quickly changing my mind: she _does_ have to stop. Like, right now. For various reasons. The fact that we're in the middle of the hallway probably being the biggest one.

Right at that moment, Kevin's voice suddenly sounds from the doorstep of the labor room behind me. "Dr. Robbins!" he calls for me. I turn around in an instant.

"Yeah?" I respond, almost eagerly.

Kevin points at his wife in the room. "Uh, I-I think she's crowning."

"Oh, okay. Great!" I cheer, as I start rushing in his direction, with a last, quick glance at Carina.

Now that's what I call saved by the bell. Or the truck. Whatever...

* * *

"Can I come in?" I ask cautiously, as I softly knock on the frame of the open door. Amelia's sitting on her bed, not looking any different than before, except for the bald spot on one side of her head.

She looks up. "Arizona! Yes, of course!"

"I'm sorry it took me so long to come and see you. I couldn't leave my patient. First this baby didn't want to come out at all, then she suddenly couldn't wait any longer, keeping me stuck in that room," I ramble. I might be surrounded by sick people all day, yet it's still totally different to face a friend who's fighting a tumor.

"That's really okay," she smiles, "I've been busy playing hairdresser anyway."

"You look great. Very 2017," I smile back at her. I take a seat on the edge of her bed. "How are you?" I ask her, swallowing to get rid of the lump in my throat.

She smiles some more. It's a sad smile though. "I don't know. I'm not in pain or anything. Which I guess is the whole problem here. Me not feeling anything... This little sucker found its way into my brain and then just... sat there. For years. Quietly. Pushing buttons that makes me act crazy." She falls quiet.

I take a deep breath. "Well, I don't know you that long, so I can't really compare the old and the new you. I only know _this_ you. And I think this you is pretty awesome. No matter what."

"Hm, yeah, well, I didn't marry and then abandon you for almost a year, did I?" Amelia scoffs.

I shake my head. "No, you didn't. But you did save my mentor's - and my dear friend's! - life. You did that. _Your_ hands were holding the scalpel. _You_ saved her. And for that, I will always be grateful."

Amelia exhales slowly as she sits back against her pillows. She doesn't smile anymore. "Well, let's see what's left of that after tomorrow. How much of that surgeon is still there. Let's see if I remember what a scalpel even looks like."

I'm searching for words, trying to help her, or at least light the mood a little, but I don't know what to say. Thankfully, Amelia seems to be done with the heavy subject as well. She clears her throat.

"You know, I might as well be suddenly into women when I wake up," she smirks, a playful twinkle in her eyes. I can't help but laugh.

"I'll be the first in line then," I wink, glad that we're back to joking around a little.

Amelia narrows her eyes. "Are you?" she questions. "Cause rumor has it that you found yourself some Italian treat recently!"

I shake my head again, giggling, and get up from the bed. I lean in and kiss the bald spot on her head. "Just get better, okay?" I quietly tell her. "I see you soon."

* * *

The following morning I check both the MRI and the scan room, the cafeteria, the attendings' lounge and the coffee corner. I'm almost starting to think she might not be in today, when I finally catch her wandering around at Neuro.

"Carina, hey!" I call her.

She turns around. "Arizona!" A big smile flashes over her face. "Did you finally change your mind about my research?"

"Not even a little bit," I laugh. "I just- I wanted to ask you if you want to join me in the gallery. Watch Amelia Shepherd's surgery together. She's kind of a friend. And your brother is scrubbing in, so you can see him in action. And-"

"Is this how you ask women on dates as well?" she grins.

Fully hating it, I start blushing a little. "No! No, I- I- Well, maybe, I don't know. Come on, we're not all born like, like.. you!" I stammer.

A big laugh escapes her. "Arizona, _mia bellezza_, I'm just kidding," she smiles, before suddenly pulling me in for a kiss, a real one, not bothered by the fact that we're five feet away from the crowded nurses' station.

I let her, just for a second, then gently push her away - with some reluctance. "See, now that's why I want you to come along!" I cry out.

"To make out in the gallery?" she asks, suggestively raising her brows.

"No! The opposite actually," I clarify. "I think it's time to find out if we're capable of sitting next to each other for more than five minutes without jumping each other. Not that I mind the jumping, but..."

"Arizona?" she interrupts me.

I look up at her through my eyelashes. "Yeah?"

"Let's go to the gallery."

* * *

When we enter the gallery I see they've already started. We quickly take a seat at the back row, behind Maggie, Meredith and Alex. There's music playing in the OR and the neurosurgeon, Dr. Korachik - one of my former teachers from Johns Hopkins - seems to be having a good time. Andrew, on the other hand, does not. He looks up at us, shaking his head in disbelief. I give him a reassuring smile.

Carina quietly speaks up. "I still can't believe..."

"...that masturbation diagnosed a brain tumor?" I finish her sentence.

She nods. "Yeah. God works in such mysterious ways."

"You sound like a true catholic girl," I chuckle. With my eyes on the surgery again, I move a little closer towards her. "I hope you don't mind that I'd rather trust on science today."

She gently bumps my shoulder with hers. "_La scienza è la religione più alta,_" she whispers beneath her breath. "Science is the highest religion."

Amen to that, I think, but before I can say anything I get distracted by the surgery. I focus at the screen right next to me to have a better, more detailed look, then look at the OR again. All of a sudden Korachik falls quiet.

"He stopped singing," Maggie states.

Now everyone looks at the screens.

"This is the crucial part," Meredith starts to explain, "He has to cut the last vessel. And sometimes it's a feeder to the-" Suddenly, something seems to snap, raising questions from everyone around her.

"That was the vessel en passant. It looked like it was going into the meningioma, but in fact it was going straight through to the brain," she goes on. "He didn't have a choice. It's okay, it's probably fine. It couldn't be really bad. I'm sure it's fine."

I exhale, trying to trust her on this, even though she doesn't sound so sure. The surgery continues and Korachik even starts singing again. The Beach Boys... Believe it or not, but that's even too perky for me.

"Thank you," Carina suddenly speaks up again.

I look at her. "For what?"

"For bringing me here," she smiles, sincere. "Showing me my brother as the true surgeon he is. I know he's still learning, but he's doing amazing!"

Now I'm the one bumping her shoulder. "You should tell him that, you know," I wink. And by the way she smiles at me, I know she will.

* * *

"That was fun! We haven't worked a case together for ages," I cheer. We're standing in line at the coffee cart, about to have a well-deserved break. We had quite the morning, but we made it through once again.

"Not since you changed specialties," April nods. "Now with every minor coming in, I have to page that hobo!" She points at Alex, who's having coffee with Meredith and Maggie, about thirty feet away from us.

I make a face. "Ah, don't tell me I didn't train him well!?"

"I would never!" she laughs, "He's an excellent doctor. It's just that we don't always get each other. We're so different, and he likes to point that out on many, many occasions. Like a brother teasing his little sister. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's really not."

As the line is moving we take a small step forward. I turn my head to look at her. "I remember calling him blue cheese once, telling him not everybody likes stinky," I grin. She smiles in return. "Anyhow, how are you?" I continue, "I heard Amelia put you in a difficult position."

April sighs. "She did. I prayed my ass off yesterday. And then when she did wake up, but didn't respond- Seriously, I will never ever say yes to a question like this again!"

I rest my hand on her shoulder. "Let's hope you never have to."

We reach the front of the line and both order a cappuccino. With our coffees in our hands, we make our way to our co-workers.

"I used to scream at her to shut up all the time in my head," Meredith is just telling the others as we sit down with them.

"No, no. I heard you a couple times," Alex sets her straight.

Meredith ignores him. "I mean, now I wish she would just say _anything _!"

We ask them about Amelia; how is she doing, is she talking? She isn't.

April looks at Meredith. "Did you call her mom yet?"

"Did you unplug her yet?" Alex asks her in return, before Meredith can answer. Not able to help ourselves, we all start laughing. Well, all of us but April.

"That's not funny. At all!" she grumbles.

"I mean, seriously," Meredith continues, "So she left a thriving practice and a fiancé in L.A. to come and live with her brother - who she resented. _That_ was the tumor!"

"Wow. How did we miss this?" Maggie murmurs, a confused look on her face.

Before anyone can answer that question though, Alex is already being Alex again. "Man, I just wish I had a tumor to blame my stupid crap on," he jokes, ignoring April's attempt to stop him. "DeLuca, I'm sorry I hit you. Tumor!"

"This is not cool," Maggie sighs, even though everyone is laughing again.

"Riggs. Tumor!" Meredith mentions.

"Minnick!" I add, as I obviously can't stay behind on this one, and they all agree: "Tumor!"

April slaps me on the arm. "No! Do not encourage them," she kind of yells at me.

I can't stop laughing though. "What? You have to laugh, April," I point out, "I mean, in situations like this, you have to laugh."

"No. She trusted me with her life-" she starts, before she gets interrupted by everyone.

"TUMOR!" we all cry out, laughing and pointing at her.

"Stop!" April tells us again, yet unable to keep her face straight any longer. Luckily for her, she gets saved by Meredith's cellphone.

Meredith looks at her screen. "Speak of the devil. My tumor's calling."

"Oh, are you gonna answer?" Maggie asks.

"No," Meredith answers, "Once that's diagnosed, you cut it right out."

"Hey, Riggs panicked. People panic!" April defends her army friend.

Just when Meredith tells her not to do so, more phones start ringing and buzzing. Before I know it, they're all up on their feet, shouting things like "It's DeLuca!" and "Amelia's talking!" Not getting the chance to even say bye, April and I watch how they run back into the hospital, then sit back in our chairs again. After all, our break just started.

"Do you really believe that?" April suddenly asks me, after a minute of quiet quality-time with our coffees.

I look up at her. "Believe what?"

"That being with Eliza was just some... tumor decision?"

"April, she made me fall for her. Like, she _really_ tried. And then when I did, she left me without a word!" I sigh.

"Yeah, I know," she nods, "But you didn't know that when you were with her. When you chose to be with her."

I take another sip of my coffee. "I could have."

"How?" she frowns.

"I don't know," I shrug, "Instinct? Or a lack of it, in this case. And that's where the tumor comes i-"

"Oh, enough with the tumor humor!" April cries out.

She makes me laugh, even though she doesn't mean to be funny. "I'm just saying sometimes you start something, even though deep down you know that you shouldn't. You know it might, and probably will, end badly. But you do it anyway."

"So how do you know being with Carina is any different?" April asks. "That this isn't gonna hurt you?"

"First of all, I'm not _with_ her - not like that," I answer, as I put my empty cup on the table, "And second, I know because my heart's not in it. We're just... having fun!"

April narrows her eyes a bit. "The fun might end again..."

I nod. "Sure. But in this case, with Carina, it's like... it's like she's Disneyland! Like, when you go to Disneyland, you know it will be over at the end of the day. No matter what. But you're not gonna cry about it. You just enjoy the rides for as long as you can. And then you go home. Happy that it happened."

She tilts her head a little. "You just enjoy the rollercoaster?"

"I just enjoy the rollercoaster!" I echo.

"Alright then," she says, gently resting her hand on mine. "Just make sure you keep your seat belt on, okay?"

... ...


	5. Danger Zone

"I know you're worried, but I can assure you, your baby is fine," I tell my patient with a reassuring smile. "Just get some rest now, I'll come see you again in the morning. Okay?"

"Thank you, Dr. Robbins," she sighs.

I nod and turn around. "And that's a wrap," I think as I leave the room. It's been a long day. Long, but good. And as my phone starts beeping, I get the feeling that it might get even better. I check my screen. I was right. It's a text from Carina.

_"Ciao bella! Are you free tonight?"_

My fingers fly over the screen.

_"Free as a bird!"_ I answer her, unconsciously quickening my pace to the attendings' lounge a little.

Once there I change into my own clothes and readjust my make-up. One quick glance out the window reminds me I'm in Seattle, as heavy rain comes down, so I grab my umbrella from my locker. Ready to leave this place, and without really realizing it, I start to hum...

_Get ready for me, love, 'cause I'm a commer. I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer. Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade..._

* * *

As I cross the ER on my way out, a smile glued to my face, I suddenly see April out of the corner of my eye. She's lying stretched out on a gurney, staring at the ceiling - a sad look on her face. I walk up to her.

"Hey! You okay?" I ask, a little concerned.

A deep sigh escapes her. "I don't have Harriet tonight. I have trouble going home when I don't have Harriet."

I softly exhale, put my umbrella away and drop my bag. I don't wanna look hurried when my friend is struggling. "I remember that," I tell her, as I pull a stool towards me. "It's really hard. At first."

"At first?" She looks skeptical.

"Yeah. Eventually you have a new normal," I explain, with a hint of a promise in my voice. "You know, eventually, you- you miss her on the nights that you don't have her..." She averts her eyes to the ceiling again. It doesn't stop me. "...but you know that she's somewhere safe and loved, and the ache is just... less."

Thinking back of the past months, a smile sneaks over my face. "And then maybe some new grown-up fun comes into your life. And maybe there's some joy in that," I grin.

April scoffs.

"I don't want a new normal," she sobs. I can tell that her voice is about to break, and it breaks my heart seeing her like this. I get up from my seat, climb on the gurney and lay down next to her. For a second we just gaze at the ceiling together. Then April tilts her head a little.

"Don't you have hot Italian sex waiting for you?" she asks me, as we look at each other.

I slowly exhale. "I do," I admit, not able to hide the smirk on my face now that she brought this up.

"You do!" she laughs.

I chuckle, but I'm not moving. Right now, I'm not going anywhere. For a while we're just lying there, listening to the sounds of the busy ER and the persisting rain outside.

"April?"

"Hm?" she hums.

"Do you want me to cancel? Hang out together? We can go to Joe's, or see a movie?"

She looks at me again, a small smile on her face. "You would call off rollercoaster sex for me?"

I sit up a little. "Of course I would! Friends first, right?!" I point out firmly, before adding a bit more quiet, "Plus, you know, I'm pretty sure Disneyland is still open after midnight."

April giggles again. "That's really sweet of you," she smiles, "but I'm okay. Really!"

I give her an examining look, then jump off the gurney. "Alright. Just promise me next time you have no baby and no plans, you'll call me!"

"I promise," she nods, "Now go and have fun! _Arreviderci! _\- or, uhm, something like that."

* * *

When I open my front door and let myself in, two things catch me off guard. The delicious smell that's coming from my kitchen, and the fact that I see Carina in there as I turn around the corner.

"You're already here?" I exclaim, happily surprised. Carina looks at me over her shoulder.

"_Sì!_ I'm cooking, for all of us," she smiles. "_Pasta Carbonara della Nonna_. You're not a vegetarian, are you?"

"I-I'm not," I murmur. Did she just say _us_? A little confused I start looking around me, just when Andrew walks in. "Why are you here?" I shriek.

He frowns at me. "Because I live here?" he answers dryly, "Unless I missed the note that you replaced me? For, I don't know, my sister maybe?!"

I take a deep breath. "That's not what I mean, you fool! Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"It's my night off," he shrugs.

"Are you sure?" I raise my brow, "Cause I'm pretty sure I saw your name up on the board?"

Now Andrew is the one looking confused. He quickly grabs his phone, checks his planner and starts to panic. "Oh crap! Oh crap, you're right!" he cries out. "I'm forty minutes late!"

Without saying another word he runs to the front door, then suddenly back into the kitchen, where he pushes his sister to the side with his shoulder and carefully takes the ladle to his mouth to taste her sauce. He grumbles. "Oh shit, this is heaven... Save me some, okay!?"

There's no time to answer him though. Before we can even blink, he's gone. And this time for real.

Carina turns around, facing me again. "I hope you're hungry, it looks like we have some extra," she laughs.

"Oh, you're so mean," I grin.

She winks and pulls a chair towards her. "Sit down, dinner is ready," she tells me. "_Vino bianco?_"

I do as she says and look up at her. "Yes, please," I answer with a grateful smile. When it comes to wine, my Italian is actually pretty decent.

She puts a full plate in front of me, followed by a glass of white wine. It all looks really amazing. And it smells even better!

When Carina sits down as well, I grab my fork and knife, not willing to wait any longer. "Bon appétit," I cheer, making her laugh.

"_Buon appetito!_" she winks again.

I take a bite. I think I might fall off my chair. "Oh my God, so good!" I sigh. "Why didn't I know you can cook?!"

"Well, there are a lot of things you don't know about me," she laughs as she takes a sip of her wine.

I follow her example, noticing she picked out the perfect wine for this meal. "That is... so true, actually," I chuckle, "I don't know anything about you. Why is that?"

She shrugs. "Because you never asked."

"Yeah, I'm not sure if that's really it," I muse, "I'm thinking something else is going on here."

"Like what?" she asks before taking another bite.

"Liiiiiike..."

I try to buy time, just to come up with something that doesn't make me look totally indifferent. "Oh, okay, like... even if I do ask, you're not telling me anything. Deliberately. Because you're not allowed to." I narrow my eyes a little. "Because you are a spy! Right? Come on, tell me, who are you working for? CIA? NSA?!"

I almost make her choke on her food as she throws her head back in laughter. "I can't believe you figured it out! What gave me away?" she smirks.

"Well, first of all, you're way too fit to be a doctor," I start explaining, my face all serious. "And second, Andrew can never be your brother. Never! You two don't even sound the same! I mean, seriously, where's his accent?"

Carina puts her fork down. "Unfortunately Andrea and I got separated when my parents got divorced. My mother moved to the US and took Andrea with her. I was already a young teenager by then and didn't want to leave Italy, so I stayed with my dad."

"Oh.. I'm sorry to hear that," I say, a little ashamed for joking about this. "So you never made it to the US before?"

She shakes her head as she swallows her food. "No, I did, but just for a few short visits. I have lived abroad as a student, but never at this side of the ocean.

I take another sip of my wine. "Where did you live?" I ask her.

"Berlin, for eight months, then Amsterdam, for two years," she answers, picking up the bottle and refilling our glasses.

I exhale deeply. "Please don't tell me you're going to confuse me with more languages!"

Gazing over the edge of her glass, she looks me straight in the eyes.

"_Zelfs niet als ik je zeg hoe mooi je bent?_" she asks without blinking, in seemingly fluent... uhm, I'd say.. Dutch - maybe?!

"Stop it!" I laugh.

"As you wish," she laughs as well. "Anyhow, Amsterdam is where I fell in love with my bicycle, and even though it is definitely less flat in Tuscany, I've kept cycling when I got back home. So no, I'm sorry, no CIA to keep me fit. Just a good bike."

"Bummer," I mumble.

She smiles at me. "How 'bout you? Where did you grow up?"

"Pretty much everywhere," I sigh. "My dad is a military man - US Marine Corps - so we moved around all the time. Just within the US though. California, Georgia, New York, Virginia... even Hawaii."

"Where did you live in California?" she asks.

I twirl the last bit of my pasta around on my fork. "Bridgeport, when I was still a toddler. And then Oceanside - years later, when I was a teenager," I tell her, before I take my last bite.

"No way!" she laughs, wide-eyed, "Andrea and my mother lived in Oceanside, too!"

"In the nineties?!"

"Yes!" she exclaims, "That's where they first moved to when they left Italy. Summer of '96. That's when you lived there, too?"

I can't help but laugh. The coincidence is unbelievable, especially since Oceanside is not that big. "It is, yes. Lived there from '95 till '97. Till I started Med school."

Carina takes a deep breath and drops her fork. "Oh man, now I feel like such a big idiot!"

"Why is that?" I frown, a bit confused.

"Because we could have met years ago if I'd just decided to join them!" she sighs. She takes another sip of her wine, giving me that mesmerizing look again.

And then it happens. Out of nowhere, without even a warning, there's a flutter in my stomach.

The rollercoaster is free falling.

Oh crap.

Oooooh crap.

Suddenly I realize I'm not talking anymore. And even worse: I'm staring at her. I swallow and quickly clear my throat. "Dinner was delicious!" I praise her again, changing the subject somewhat sudden.

Without getting up, she takes my plate and puts it on top of hers. "Yeah, you liked it?" she smiles.

"I did," I nod fiercely, "I really liked it!"

There's more I want to say, yet I know I'll put myself in the so-called danger zone if I do so. There will be no turning back.

I do it anyway.

"I- I really like _you_," I add, a bit beneath my breath.

For a moment the room falls quiet. I can even hear the clock ticking in the other room. Then a smile creeps on her face. "Good," she grins, "Cause I really like you, too."

We both chuckle as our eyes meet. My stomach makes another backflip.

"Stay," I quietly say.

She furrows her brow, looking puzzled. "What?"

"Tonight," I tell her. "Don't go. Stay with me tonight."

I feel like it takes forever before she slowly nods her head. "Okay," she smiles again, "I'll stay."

* * *

"What- What's your favorite color?" I ask as soon as she breaks our kiss to attach her warm lips to my neck, sucking on the exposed skin, while her fingers start searching for the buttons of my blouse. In between kisses I already found out that she skies, likes The Killers and used to have a cat named Pazzo.

"Blue," she breathes against my throat, "The shade of blue that's in your eyes." Her hands find the naked skin of my abdomen. I shiver.

"F-Favorite movie?" I continue.

"Arizona!" Carina groans, moving her mouth up to my ear, "Stop asking questions!"

I slip my hands beneath the hem of her shirt. "Just tell me," I plead.

Her hands move up, slipping my blouse down my shoulders on the floor behind me. Her lips start making their way from my neck down to my collarbone, leaving a trail of kisses.

_"La"_ kiss _"Vita"_ kiss _"è"_ kiss _"Bella"_ kiss.

I pull her shirt over her head and throw it on the floor, before I speak up again. "What's you-"

She quiets me by capturing my lips. "Shut up," she murmurs against them. I answer her kiss, brushing my tongue against hers, before it's my turn to explore her neck. She throws her head back, allowing me more room.

"I just want to get to know you," I whisper, before playfully biting her earlobe.

"I know," she laughs, "And it's adorable..." She cups my face and kisses me again. "...but it's enough!"

She immediately connects our lips again, not giving me a chance to protest, and gently pushes me a few steps backward, till we reach the bed. We fall onto it, sideways, without letting go of each other. We just keep kissing. Soft. Lazy. Endlessly.

I feel like we can do this, just _this_, for hours. Losing ourselves in each other's warmth. Like we are teenagers again. But we are not. We do want more.

Gradually, Carina's hands work their way down, till they find the waistband of my pants. She cautiously pulls them off, then looks at me as she gently rests her hand on my prosthetic. "On or off?" she asks considerately.

"Off," I tell her, and I quickly sit up to help her out. Once done, she bends in and tenderly kisses my leg; my hip, my thigh, my scar.

"Does it hurt?" she asks me.

I shake my head. "No," I softly smile, and I roll to my side to get her out of her jeans as well.

When we lay down again, our hands start to explore every inch of each other's body. Our lips graze over every square centimeter of each other's naked skin. Slowly, since there's no hurry. Since we have all the time in the world.

I can feel her ribs beneath my fingers, and her heart that's beating right behind it. I unclasp her bra, pull it off her shoulders and trace the shape of her breasts with my fingertips. As I circle her nipple with the tip of my thumb, she whimpers and arches her back a little.

Her hands find their way to my ass and she tries to pull me closer, but I'm not done with looking at her yet, with getting to know every little part of her. I watch how her pink nipples turn hard. How I give her goosebumps as I softly caress her smooth skin. How the strong muscles of her arms, her legs, her abdomen tighten beneath my touch.

I discover some freckles I haven't seen before, and a small scar close to her belly button. I should ask her how she got that - once I'm finally allowed to question her again.

Wrapped in her arms, I finally find my way up again. Carina unhooks my bra. As she tosses it to the side, she rolls me onto my back. Leaning in, she lets her tongue flick over one of my sensitive peeks, then sucks it into her mouth, before gently biting it - sending waves of pleasure straight to my sex. I gasp for air and tangle my fingers into her hair, making sure she isn't going anywhere.

With her tongue still working magic on my nipple, Carina slides her hand down across my stomach. She caresses my inner thigh, while spreading my legs a little wider. Just when her soft lips find my neck again her hand presses against my throbbing core. A soft moan escapes her when she feels the wet fabric of my panties. I lift my hips a little, helping her to take them off, but she gently pushes me back into the mattress.

"Leave it," she pants, her breath hot against my throat.

She starts stroking her fingers up and down, up and down - slowly, almost teasingly, soaking the thin, silk layer that's still between us even more. I throw my head back, my mouth slightly open as my breathing becomes heavy.

I groan as she pushes her finger inside me, through my panties. When she starts moving it, slowly pumping in and out, I can feel the silk grind against my clit. I've never felt anything like it, and when she starts to thrust in deeper she's driving me absolutely crazy.

"Y-Your brother was wrong," I breathe heavily, "_This_ is heaven!"

Carina tilts her head a little, so she can look at me. Her eyes are dark with lust. "Well, it's a really, really good thing he doesn't know that, isn't it?" she grins.

I gently direct her face back to the crook of my neck. "Shut up," I moan, "Just keep doing what you're doing!"

With her mouth close to my ear again, I can hear her soft chuckle. She enters me again, two fingers at a time now, and I cry in pleasure.

In and out. In and out.

I bite my lip as the tingling feeling between my legs is getting stronger. My head starts spinning. Right then she pulls my panties aside and slips her hand in, finally touching me, really touching me, for the first time tonight. She cups my sex in her hand - my wet, swollen lips slipping between her fingers. Another moan escapes me. She starts moving her hand, very slowly again, back and forth. As she's rubbing my clit, I pull her in for a sloppy kiss.

"I can't hold on much longer," I pant into her mouth.

Our eyes lock. We've been together a few times now, but never like this. I never felt as close to her as I do right now. And I love it. Not that I don't appreciate hot and wild and sweaty, but this... this is true intimacy.

"You don't need to," she whispers, "Just let go."

And as she increases the pressure of her fingers, I do. My body flexes and squirms underneath her. My toes curl and my free hand grabs her arm. I open my mouth to scream, but no words come out. All the muscles in my lower belly contract and I start to shake uncontrollably. For a moment I'm no longer on this planet.

Carina slowly retracts her hand. She sits up, pulling a single sheet over the both of us, and looks down on me. She watches how I ride out my release.

"So, tell me," she starts when I seem able to focus on her again, a mischievous smile on her lips, "what is _your_ favorite movie?"

Even though I'm still trying to catch my breath, I burst into laughter. "You really think my mind is working right now?" I ask her.

"You think my mind was working before?" she asks me in return, her eyes twinkling, and clearly amused by her playful revenge.

I slightly sit up as well. "I'd say yes, it did. At least well enough to think of a way to shut me up," I smirk, "So maybe I should just do the same."

When I lean in to kiss her she meets me halfway. Our lips find each other, as she gently holds my face with her free hand, softly caressing my chin with her thumb. Even with her lips pressed against my own I can't stop smiling. And I can't stop kissing her either.

I have to though, as my cellphone starts asking for my attention. I give her an apologizing look, since I do have to check it, and she gives me an understanding one in return, since she knows I can't ignore the message. After all, we are still doctors.

I stretch my arm to reach for my phone. While I unlock the screen, she moves a little closer and takes my other hand into hers. As I'm reading the message my face lights up and a feeling of joy fills my heart.

"Everything okay?" Carina asks.

"Yeah, it's my, uhm.." I swallow, suddenly hit by emotions, "It's my daughter, Sofia. She- She wants to move home."

Carina lets go off my hand, but as I'm too overwhelmed, I barely register it. "I can't believe my little girl wants to come back," I sigh, more to myself than to her. "My God, this is the best news ever. Having her here again. Oh, and I can't wait for you to m-"

I abruptly fall quiet as I look up at her - finally - and realize that she's sitting on the edge of the bed. "Where are you going?"

She pulls her jeans towards her and swiftly slips into them.

"I uh, I forgot," she stammers, glancing over her shoulder, "I have to go. I need to be... somewhere." She puts her shirt back on, not even caring that it's inside out. Bending in, she presses a quick kiss on the top of my head. "I'm sorry."

I stare at her. I watch how she gets up and moves to the door, picking up her shoes along the way.

"But you were gonna..." I start, though not even able to finish my sentence before she's gone. "...stay."

Okay.

What did I just miss here?

What the hell just happened?

_... ..._


	6. Come On Down (To My Boat, Baby)

I need some coffee. A gallon of coffee, actually. And a shower. But since Andrew is occupying the bathroom, that essential step in my process of waking up has to wait a little longer. So yeah, coffee it is.

Despite the mindblowing sex last night, which normally always makes me drowsy, I hardly got any sleep. Feeling too excited by the news that Sofia wants to come back home, my mind was all over the place for hours and hours. I could hardly keep up with my own thoughts. All the things that need to be arranged. And all the new challenges I'll have to face for sure now that my little girl is growing up so fast - turning eight already this year! Even when I told myself that I don't know any details yet, so I might put all of this on hold and get some sleep, I simply wasn't able to. Before I could stop thinking about it, the idea of being reunited with my kid popped back up, making me smile from ear to ear, and keeping me wide awake.

And then there was Carina. Keeping me awake as well, by confusing the hell out of me - one moment telling me how she liked me, and wanted to stay, and the next taking a run for it, vanishing into thin air. Had I said anything to upset her? I kept replaying the moment in my head, but I honestly couldn't recall it. Too many times I checked my phone for a message, for some explanation, but there was nothing there. Just many question marks, stuck in my head. What happened? What did this mean? Where did this leave us now?

I sit down at my kitchen table, a big mug of hot coffee in front of me, and start flipping through some old copy of JSA, a pointless attempt to give my mind a break.

"Good morning," Andrew cheers as he strolls into the kitchen, his hair still damp.

I look up from my magazine. "Hey, good morning," I smile in return. "How was your shift?"

"Quite uneventful," he sighs. He walks to the kitchen counter to poor himself some coffee, then joins me at the table. "I've got another night shift tonight, so if you happen to spot anything interesting today, feel free to sign me up for it. If I don't get to sleep at night, then at least give me the complete opposite to keep me awake."

"Be careful what you wish for," I wink. "But yeah, I get it. Those long, slow nights really are the worst," I sigh, thinking back at the last couple of hours.

Andrew tilts his head a little. "You look tired," he notes, narrowing his eyes. "You're okay?"

I show him a small smile. "I'm fine, just some lack of sleep as well."

"You should save the all-nighters for the hospital, you know," he smiles softly. "Use your bed for what it's made for: sleeping. Or for things I don't want to hear about since we would be talking about my sister then. But in any case, not for lying awake."

"Well, I don't think you have to hear about your sister anymore," I mumble, as I drown myself in my coffee.

Andrew makes a face. "Oh no, what did she do this time?"

"She..." I start, but I abruptly fall quiet. I don't want to drag him into this. Besides, I'm not even sure what happened. _Did_ she do anything? Or was it me? "Nothing. It's nothing," I shrug, "Forget about it."

He gives me an examining look, but doesn't ask any further. I take another sip of my coffee, before I suddenly sit up straight. "I have some news though," I cheer. "Big news!"

"Really? What is it?" he asks, his eyes wide in expectation.

I wait a few seconds for dramatic effect, till I can't wait any longer. "Sofia is coming home!"

"For real? That's amazing!" Andrew cries out. He stretches his arm and lightly rests his hand on top of mine. "I'm so happy for you! When will she be here?"

"I'm not sure yet," I answer, "I'll have to talk to Callie. Go over some details and stuff. But yay, right?!"

"Right!" he laughs. "That is really, really good news. But I guess I'll have to start looking for another place then."

I furrow my brow. "Why?"

"Well, she isn't a little kid anymore," he shrugs. "I imagine you can use some extra space."

I stare at him. I hadn't thought about that yet. And I'm not sure if he's right. The three of us lived here before, all together, and more than often Andrew had actually been a great help. Realizing this, I want to tell him wrong, but before I can say anything he jumps up.

"I'll start apartment hunting right away," he tells me.

"Andrew, wait," I call after him as he's climbing the stairs already. "There's really no..."

He disappears out of sight.

"...rush."

I sigh and drop my shoulders, thinking back of better days when I could actually finish my sentences. Checking the oven clock I realize there's no time to ponder on this right now. It's time to start this day for real. I get up and move myself to the bathroom. Walking in there, I almost trip over Andrew's laundry on the floor. I grumble. He's a good guy, but not sharing a place anymore could actually have its advantages...

* * *

"Hey, wanna grab some lunch?" I ask April, as she's throwing a pair of bloody surgical gloves in the trash. I've got a ton of things I need to talk to her about, and she looks like she can really use a break.

"I can't," she sighs. "It's crazy busy here today. The ER is packed and we're short-handed. Hunt picked the worst day to help out his sister!"

Although a little bummed I try to look supportive. "Sorry to hear that. I wish I could help you out, but I have surgery in an hour," I tell her. I turn around to leave, not wanting to be in her way right now, then change my mind. "Hey, make sure you call DeLuca if things are still crazy here in a few hours. He looked like he could use some blood on his hands tonight!"

"Will do," she smiles at me. "And w-" she starts, but she can't finish when some nurse is already screaming for her attention again.

As April speeds towards the next trauma case, I pull my phone out of my pocket and check for new messages. Like the past hours, there's nothing there. I sigh. This isn't gonna work. I can't go into surgery being all confused like this.

I take the elevator to the third floor, where I quickly find Carina in one of the clinic rooms.

"Okay, I need to know: what happened last night?" I bluntly ask as I barge in.

She looks up from her screen. "Arizona, hi," she smiles.

"No," I tell her, "Don't act like you're happy to see me." I sound more harsh than I want to. "You left. You came up with some lame excuse and you left. And I don't know why. And you didn't text me. Or call me. And the whole thing, the whole not-understanding-this is driving me crazy - probably more than whatever reason you might have to act like this. So I... I just need to know what happened!"

"Are you done? Rambling like this?" she calmly asks, raising her brows.

I exhale. "I- I am," I mutter. "Sorry."

"Good," she sighs, pulling a chair toward her. "Sit!"

I take a deep breath, then sit down next to her, a little reluctant. This better be good.

She faces me. "You have a kid," she simply states.

"Yes, I do. But you knew that," I shrug. "I haven't hidden her or anything. I mentioned her before. And you can't overlook her when you're at my place. She's literally everywhere. Her pictures, her toys..."

"_Sì_, I know," she interrupts me. "She is there, but she's also not there. You're a mom, I know that, but I didn't get to see you, get to _know_ you as a parent. As someone with this other life. A life that revolves around your kid. I guess the whole idea freaked me out."

"Why? It's my kid, my life... not yours," I point out.

She nods. "That's right. But in your life she comes first. She'll always come first."

"And you're blaming me for that? She's my child!" I exclaim, shocked that she's actually saying what I think she's saying.

"No! No, I'm not!" Carina shushes me. She grabs my hands, forcing me to look at her. "I would never _ever_ ask a mother to not put her child first. But do you honestly think we can keep seeing each other the way we have been, when you're taking full care of your kid?"

"Would you want to?" I carefully ask her.

Letting go of my hands again, she shuffles in her seat. "That's not the question. I'm not thinking about things I might want when they are not even possible."

"Why? Is that another one of your rules?" I scoff.

"Well, yeah.. kind of," she murmurs. "Now, don't give me that face! It's called self-protection. There's nothing wrong with that."

I deeply exhale. "Well, it's not very helpful either. How can I possibly know what you want if you're not telling me anything? How is your so called self-protection actually protecting you? All it does is keeping me out!"

Carina averts her eyes. "Well, that was the plan," she sighs.

I clear my throat. _"Was?"_

She looks pensive, biting her lip as she gazes at her computer screen. I don't think she's actually seeing what's on there.

"I'm just here for a few weeks. Months maybe. Meeting you... _oddio_, it already made my stay so amazing. The fun we have..." She swallows, then looks at me again. "Arizona, you know just as well we're on a slippery slope here. Yesterday, when we were together, things... shifted."

"And that's a bad thing?" I ask.

Our eyes meet. "Yes," she answers quietly.

"Because you let your walls down for five seconds?" I sigh.

"Yes," she answers again, surprising me by being this straight forward. This honest. "I- I can't have that. I'm not here to stay. We can't be anything serious. Anything real. And anything non-real, like before? I just don't know how anymore. Especially when Sofia will be here. Unless you tell me otherwise. Unless you tell me wrong."

"Cause when I would tell you that we can actually keep... dating - is that what this is? - like we have been, you would want to?" I frown, trying to understand what she's saying. I look at her, waiting, but I realize she's not going to answer that question. She really wants to hear it from me.

I sit back in my chair as another sigh escapes me. "You're right. When Sofia's around I'll need more space. In my house, in my schedule. I can't meet you whenever it suits me. And yes, obviously sex on the kitchen table will be, well, off the table."

She gets up. "So, it's over?"

"Yes, it's over," I nod. I try to take her hand, but I miss as she already steps away, towards the door.

"See? So who cares what I want?" She manages to smile at me, before she suddenly turns around and leaves, even though this is her room.

A bit flabbergasted it takes me a few seconds to realize what's happening. I quickly jump on my feet to chase her.

"Carina, wait! That's not what I mean! I mean _that's_ over, just _that_ little part! Not _it._ Not _us,_" I cry out as I turn around the corner, into the hallway. She's already halfway, with quite some people in between us, and probably out of hearing distance. "We could still..." I continue, but I fall quiet halfway, realizing it's pointless.

I take a deep breath. Seriously, what is it with this family jumping to conclusions all the time?!

... ...


	7. Who Lives, Who Dies

I keep telling myself it's for the better. Even though I didn't mean to end things with Carina, I do know things can't be the same when Sofia is here. Which will be very soon. So maybe this is how it should be. At least I can really focus on motherhood now.

Trying to convince myself that I'm right, I manage not to go after her. I don't call her. Or text her. She doesn't either. I pretend it doesn't bother me. Sometimes you have to fool yourself a little.

Yet now it's almost 24 hours later and I notice I'm getting restless. My hands are itching. They keep reaching for my phone, and every time they do I need to clench them into fists to prevent them from doing anything stupid. When I step into the elevator I have to force myself to press any button but the third. The problem is, there's nowhere else I really need to be today.

Why is it such a quiet day today? I need some distraction. I need April.

I find her on the surgical floor, her eyes glued to the screen of her phone. "Hey, what're you doing?" I ask her.

"Waiting for some bloody disaster to come through those doors," my friend sighs without looking up, "While searching for men just as horrible as me." She briefly waves her phone in front of my face. "Tinder," she clarifies.

I can't help but laugh. "Any luck?"

"Not really. Somehow they're all posing with puppies and kittens. The way I'm feeling today, I would scare the hell out of them."

With her eyes already back on her screen I feel like she's not going to be much help right now. I might as well follow her example and do some swiping myself. Which just happens to give me a good excuse to check for any messages. There are none. Of course there are none.

I open the Tinder app and start swiping to the left without really looking. "Young. Too young. Whoa, way too young." A deep sigh escapes my lungs. "Ugh! I hate being single. I hate it even more than sharing a bathroom," I grumble.

April looks up at me. "What?" she asks in surprise.

"I broke up with Carina," I sigh. "By accident. I just- I needed some space. Like, physically, in my home, because Sofia's coming home. But apparently, she thinks that I broke up with her. So now here I am, swiping, instead of having sex with an Italian orgasm scientist."

"That's a pretty bad accident," April chuckles.

"Well, I shouldn't even be dating because I should be getting ready for Sofia to come home," I tell her, and mostly myself.

"I am so ready to be dating - anyone who does not work at this hospital!" April yearns, right when Maggie joins us, also with a phone in her hands.

"Hey. Are you guys Tindering? I set up a profile, but I'm afraid to actually swipe," she jumps straight in the conversation.

April glances at Maggie's screen. "It's pretty straightforward. Left for no, right for yes," she explains.

"Yes for what? Yes, I'll sleep with you?" Maggie questions, raising her brow.

"Well, it's not a binding contract," I shrug.

Our laughing gets interrupted by Bailey, who suddenly pops up behind us. "What are you all doing, standing around, leaning against things? This is a hospital!" she scolds. April and Maggie both turn around to face her. I keep swiping to the left, mindlessly.

"It's a slow day," April tells Bailey.

"What are you doing?" Bailey asks again. From the corner of my eye, I can see how she quickly takes Maggie's phone from her hand and starts flipping through the pictures. "Oh! Too young. Way too young. Hello, Idris Elba," she gasps. The phone chimes in her hand. "You're welcome!"

"Did you just match me?" Maggie panics, desperately trying to get her phone back. "You know that's a real, live, actual person!?"

"Hey! I don't get to swipe. Just let me have this moment," Bailey grumbles, making us all laugh, right when our pagers start beeping.

Maggie seizes the moment and swiftly grabs her phone. "Pit! I call it!" she yells as she starts running. Both April and I are right behind her. "No! I'm a trauma surgeon!" April cries out.

Needing the distraction more than anything, I try to trump her. "I'm bored!" I exclaim. A weak argument, especially since I have some serious competition, with Bailey right behind me.

"I'm Chief of Surgery! I call it!" she states.

Well, let's see about that...

* * *

We all reach the Pit at the same time. Now the case itself will have to tell us who's going to be busy this afternoon.

"18-year-old female. Danielle Gordon. She collapsed in the visiting center at King County, complaining of abdominal pain, but says she's fine now," the paramedic tells us.

"Okay, mine!" April calls.

Abdominal pain, huh? There's my shot. "Danielle, is there a chance that you might be pregnant?" I ask the young woman, ignoring April's call. Before she can answer me, Bailey takes a step forward.

"Dr. Robbins, I'll handle this," she calmly tells me, right before she gets called away by another patient. At least that's one down.

As Bailey reluctantly makes her way to her new, apparently hypochondriac patient, the rest of us lift our way more interesting patient from the gurney to the bed. "Danielle, so we know that you were at the prison when you collapsed. Do you have any previous medical history?" Maggie asks. "Or are you taking any medications?"

Danielle tries to sit up. "No. No. Look, I'm fine. Seriously. Can I just go, please?"

I shake my head. "No, you still have abdominal pain, and you fainted, so I'm a little concerned that you might be pregnant," I try again.

"Well, I'm not pregnant, okay? I fainted because... because of the heat. There wasn't any air in there- oawh!" Danielle pleads, though clearly in a lot of pain.

"Any nausea or vomiting?" April asks her.

"Did you swallow something?" Maggie adds. She looks at me. "If she was smuggling something into the prison, it may have burst."

I look at our patient, making sure I have her attention. "If you swallowed something, Danielle, you need to let us know. Otherwise, you could get very, very sick!" I start examining her stomach with my hands, trying to figure out if there's anything wrong her, anything... abnormal.

"I didn't swallow it!" Danielle screams, right before the sudden sound of a gunshot fills the Pit. Instinctively, we all drop to the floor. There's screaming everywhere.

"I've been shot! I've been shot!" That's Bailey's patient. For the first time ever he might be right.

In the meantime Maggie is the first one to check on our own patient. "Abdomen!" she states, her hands covered in blood.

"What?!" I exclaim. There was only one shot, how can they both be hurt?

"Who the hell fired?!" Bailey shouts, looking around while she's trying to control her patient's bleeding.

There's no answer. It looks like these two patients are the only ones who got hurt, even though April is bleeding a little as well. Maybe the bullet just grazed her skin?

"Danielle? Do you have a gun on you?" Maggie asks, pulling her a bit toward us so we can have a better view.

"Wait. Hold on. Hold on! This is- This is an exit wound!" I suddenly notice. We look at each other, than carefully roll our patient on her side. "No entrance wound."

Is this for real?

"Danielle," I carefully ask, "did you put a gun in your vagina?"

Very slowly, she starts to nod. Everyone falls quiet, totally aghast.

It's for real.

* * *

They say there's a first time for everything. Well, whoever 'they' might be, I think it's safe to assume that they are absolutely right. Here I am, trying to remove a gun out of a woman's abdomen. Not exactly the distraction I had in mind, but at least it will make a good story.

"She's lucky the bullet didn't injure her bowel or any major vessels," April sighs. "How dumb do you have to be to do something like that for a guy? Is it really that hard to find a boyfriend who isn't in jail?"

"She's only 18, and she's already shot herself over a man." I roll my eyes. "Oh, God. Sofia's gonna be a teenager in like 5 seconds. I am not ready for puberty and dating and idiot boys, or idiot girls."

April chuckles. "Well, she can't do much worse than any of us, right? And we're still on our feet."

"Almost getting shot at at work and pulling guns out of vaginas?" I grumble, "Yeah, we're doing great!"

April ignores my sarcasm. We continue working in silence, until I'm finally able to carefully remove the gun and show it to the people around me. "All right. Congratulations, everybody. It's a beautiful 1-pound, 8-ounce baby pistol!" I tell them.

I look up to the gallery, where our audience starts applauding me. Suddenly my heart stops for a second when I spot her up there, sitting next to Richard. Carina is here. She came to watch me. And she's smiling at me. Our eyes meet, mine not able to hide the fact that I'm smiling as well. She doesn't look away.

And I can't stop it. I'm free falling again. In this moment I just know - I know that whatever was there between us, it's still there. Seeing her like this, I'm absolutely sure about that. And I need to tell her that. I need to fix my mistake, before it's too late. Before she's gone. Before I can't anymore.

Cause life is short.

I don't need bullets flying around my ears to tell me that.

* * *

Three hours later my workday finally comes to an end. I can't just go home though, as I'm kind of expected to join the intern mixer to welcome our new load of chicks and ducks. I'm tired and not really in the mood, but it might give me the chance to finally talk to Carina.

So I slip into my black dress, put my lab coat back on to make sure these kiddos know who I am and make my way to the conference room. There's a little twitch in my stomach and I realize I have no clue what I'm going to say to her. All I know is this can't be over just yet.

The sound of Andrew's voice behind me pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, you going to the mixer?" he asks, as he tries to catch up. I slow down a little.

"Uh, there's an open bar, so, yeah!" I laugh, stating the obvious.

"I found a place to stay," he tells me.

I sigh in relief. "Oh, thank God!"

"Wow, okay..." he reacts, sounding a little hurt.

"No! No, no, no. I didn't mean that. It's just that with Sofia and Carina, I'm just- I'm kind of a mess. So, who are you gonna stay with?" I ramble. I take his arm and stop walking so I can look at him.

"With Owen, actually," he answers.

"Owen?!" I cry out , though not because of Andrew's update, but because that same Owen happens to stand just a few yards away from us - secluded in a supply room. Kissing Carina. Who's kissing him back. Quite vigorously.

Andrew, still next to me, follows my gaze and throws his head back in frustration. "Oh, come on!" he exclaims.

He's giving words to my thoughts.

I'm too late...

* * *

The plane is delayed. I'm already at the airport though, so there's nothing else to do than wait - eager to see my little girl again and to finally take her home. I had hoped to get her room ready, but in the end I couldn't even decide which shade of green she would like the most, so I just gave up on that.

It wasn't till this afternoon that I found a little peace, when a conversation in the OR made me think of Mark. While talking about him, I could almost hear him tell me to relax. Tell me that everything would be okay. Sneaking into my head like this, he could still manage to calm me down, and it annoyed me just as much as it did in the past. Yet like before, I loved him just as much for it as well.

Right now, Mark isn't just telling me not to worry about Sofia though. Although I really tried, I can't deny that seeing Carina with Owen yesterday has upset me. Especially since we never talked, since I never got to explain myself, which makes me wonder if it would have made any difference. Now I'll never know and I hate that more than anything.

I was about to let go though, as I just didn't see the point anymore now that she clearly moved on. At least, that was till I started thinking about Mark. Or actually about something April once told me about Mark, when she entrusted me with the story of Jackson stopping her wedding by declaring her love for her, and how she'd found out it was Mark who'd told Jackson to go for it. He'd said something like: if you love someone you say it out loud, even if you're scared, and you go from there.

Back then the story made me hurl a little - who else than Mark Sloan could come up with something annoyingly obvious yet totally unrealistic like that?! But now I can't help but wonder if he wasn't completely right after all.

Am I being an idiot? Shouldn't I at least talk to her? Clear things up? Is there really anything to lose here?! Without giving it much more thought, I decide the answers are yes, yes, yes and no.

Before I change my mind again I quickly get my phone and call her. The phone rings. And rings. And just when I think it will ring forever or go to voicemail, I hear her voice.

"_Pronto!_" she giggles.

I open my mouth to answer her, but before I can do so, I hear a male voice on the background. It's Owen, his voice getting louder as he seems to be getting closer to the phone. "...st ignore it!" he laughs.

There's more laughter. It's her, he's making her laugh. "Owen, no, wai-"

Then there's silence.

I sharply inhale and close my eyes. "Thanks Mark, for making me go through that," I whisper, shaking my head.

I swallow and put my phone away, my eyes back on my surroundings again. I'm at the airport. Picking up my daughter. That's all that matters. I shouldn't think of anything else. I shouldn't let anything, or anyone, ruin this day. Yet as my phone starts ringing in my pocket I immediately forget all about that and start searching for it - rushed and impatient. Could it be..?

_Carina._

Her name fills the screen. It's really her. My finger swiftly moves toward the green button...

"Mommy!"

I look up. There's Sofia, letting go of the flight attendant's hand and running towards me. I quickly press 'decline'.

Carina was right about one thing. Sofia will always, _always_ come first.

* * *

Day one of my new life as a full-time, single, working mom starts off exactly as could be expected: I'm late for work!

After Sofia needed a moment to readjust last night, she quickly seemed to feel at home again, chatting away all night long, even after bed time, since she slept in the big bed with me. She couldn't stop talking about her adventures of her traveling as an unaccompanied minor (her new favorite words) and how she'd decided to become a gloob- globe- ("What's it called again?" "Globetrotter, honey." "Yes, globetrotter!") when she's all grown up.

Telling myself it wasn't the sugar in her ice cream that kept her awake, I didn't get her to sleep before midnight, just as I didn't get her fully awake till right before her first day of school was going to start. All together the both of us had quite the morning, of which I loved every second nonetheless.

Yet right now I really have to hurry, since I wasted enough time already. Making my way to the elevator I can hear the bell, telling me it's about to leave without me.

"Hold the doors!" I yell, quickening my pace.

A pair of hands appear from the inside, preventing the doors from closing, and I quickly sneak in there. I look up as the doors behind me close for real this time. There are four other people in here. One of our new chicks (or ducks?), next to the door. April, leaning against the back wall. Owen, in between them.

And - what are the chances?! - Carina, next to Owen, and right in front of me.

Our eyes meet for a short second, before I quickly turn around, murmuring some weak good morning. Facing the doors I take a deep breath. I'm telling myself I can never ever be late again, which means Sofia can never have ice cream again, which tells me I'm going crazy.

The bell rings, only one floor up, and the doors open again. The intern leaves the elevator, and so does April - surprising Owen by suddenly pulling him along with her by the sleeve of his lab coat.

"Hunt, I need you to come with me," she states, "We... have a patient together."

Right before the doors separate us she glances at me, giving me a meaningful look. My cue to.. to do what exactly? Turn around? Talk to her?

I don't get the chance to really think about it, or even panic about it; distracted by the fact that, as the elevator moves further up, the light suddenly starts blinking. The elevator turns dark, then bright, then dark again. And this time, it stays that way. Completely dark.

At that same moment the elevator comes to an abrupt stop. There's no bell. The doors don't open.

We are stuck!

... ...


	8. Who Tells Your Story

"What the hell!" I cry out into the darkness, as I try to keep my balance.

"Looks like the power is out," Carina determines, her calm voice coming from right behind me, telling me she's still standing close.

"You think!?" I snap, sounding more harsh than I mean to. "Sorry- I'm sorry," I quickly apologize. My heart starts beating in my throat. "I don't deal well with pitch black darkness. Bad memories."

Carina turns on the screen of her phone, saving me from freaking out on the spot, and gently rests her other hand on my shoulder. "It's okay," she shushes. "I'm here. You're not alone. And I bet they get us out of here in no time."

She presses the emergency button, before she takes my hand and pulls me down to the floor. "Come. Sit. Breathe!" she tells me.

I sit down next to her, my back against the cold metal wall of the elevator. I force myself to take a deep breath. "Do you think that alarm even works without electricity?" I ask her, my voice still a little unstable, but my heartbeat already slowing down a bit.

"Let's wait and find out," she says, calm and at ease.

I just nod.

"So, is she home?" Carina asks, an obvious but welcome attempt to distract me. "Your little_ bambina_?"

To my own surprise, a laugh escapes my lips. "Yeah, she is. I picked her up last night."

She turns her head to look at me. The light of her screen softly illuminates her face. Even in this semi-darkness, she still looks radiant. "I'm really happy for you," she smiles, and I believe her. I return her smile. I'm afraid it's a bit of a sad one, though. Wasn't this supposed to be just fun? How did things get this complicated?

For a minute, we just sit there, in silence, staring at our feet. She's the first to speak up again. "I'm sorry I couldn't take your call yesterday. I tried to call you back, but-"

"Yeah, I know," I cut her off. Our eyes meet, just for a second, before I avert mine. "I'm sorry, too. For not answering, I mean," I mutter.

"I wanted to try again this morning, but we were already running late," she continues. "What did you wanna talk to me about?"

_Say it out loud and go from there._

"I uh-," I start, but then I fall quiet. Did she say _we_? Did she actually _stay_ with Owen last night? What happened to her no-sleepover policy? How serious are they?!

I swallow. "I- I was looking for Andrew. There's still some of his stuff at my place, but I couldn't reach him anywhere. I just thought maybe he was with you."

Carina snorts. "I bet he was with Sam."

"Sam?" I ask, confused by this brand new name.

"His ex-girlfriend. She started her internship at Grey Sloan last week. She's kinda like his Achilles' heel. His weak spot."

I tilt my head as I look at her again. "Sounds like you came to town at the right time then. I'm sure you have some wise, sisterly advice for him."

She throws her head back, her laughter echoing against the walls of the elevator. "Yeah, sure. Cause I clearly wrote the handbook on healthy relationships!"

"I bet you did," I laugh. "The Ten Ultimate Self-Protection Rules, by Dr. Carina DeLuca. I'd love to get a copy of that one!" I tease, poking her with my elbow.

"Oh no, that's only the first chapter," she chuckles.

"There's more, huh? Then tell me, does it contain a little backstory as well? Some insights of the mystery that is you?" I ask curiously, biting my tongue off as soon as the words come out of my mouth. Way to be subtle, Robbins!

Carina doesn't get the chance to react though. Just as she opens her mouth, the light in the elevator flashes back on and we're starting to move up again, although only for a second. Apparently we were already close to the next floor. As soon as the doors open a mechanic peeks in.

"Sorry it took this long, ladies," he smiles, ignoring the look on my face - if only he knew I'm not looking annoyed because he was too slow fixing this thing, but because he was way, way too fast.

* * *

As soon as we leave the elevator I run into the stairwell, jumping down the stairs again. I find April in the Pit.

"You're welcome," she winks as her eye catches me. "So, what did she say?"

"Well, we didn't really get to talk," I sigh.

April's eyes grow big. "Arizona!"

"What? No! Nothing like that!" I exclaim, slapping her on the arm. "Jeez April, you really think I wanna be on Grey Sloan's Candid Camera?! No, the power was out, we got stuck in there!"

"Shit, are you okay?" she asks, her voice all worried now, since she's well known with the type of situations that still freak me out after all this years.

I nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It didn't take that long. And Carina distracted me with some small talk."

"You didn't take your chance there? To set things straight?" April frowns.

I drop my shoulders, as another sigh escapes me. "What's the point? She moved on already. For real. She even stayed with him last night."

April narrows her eyes. "Come on, that doesn't have to mean anything," she scoffs.

"With her, it does," I tell her, giving her a little Carina 101. I shrug, defeated. "Oh, well..."

"No, not oh well!" April cries out, with unexpected passion, "Hunt isn't even officially divorced yet. The guy needs some air instead of jumping right into the next disast.. uh relationship. And he knows that. I know he does. I really can't believe they're together that way. Just... let me talk to him. Okay?"

I shrug again. "Whatever," I answer, knowing perfectly well there's no way of stopping unstoppable April anyway. "But just... keep me out of it, will you?"

Right then, Hunt's voice sounds from the other side of the ER. "Kepner, a hand please!" he shouts.

She raises her hand, telling him she's on her way, then rests it on my arm. "I'll try," she winks again.

* * *

As I change into my scrubs to finally start my day I tell myself to forget about the whole thing. To focus on my work instead of this mess I created. It's not that hard actually. I just have to pretend she isn't here - the hospital being a Carina-free zone. And maybe Owen-free too, since I just gave myself the power of erasing people.

Unfortunately, my pager tells me there are some things I can't simply ignore. I check the screen. For the third time this week, it's OB. Instead of answering it, I decide to deal with this once and for all. I put my lab coat on and start looking for Bailey. I find her sitting at a desk at one of the nurses' stations.

"Bailey," I call as soon as I see her, making her look up at me. "OB is short-staffed, and they keep paging me, so, uh-"

"Dr. DeLuca is an OB, right?" she interrupts me.

"Yeah, but she doesn't have privileges," I explain, wondering how Carina could help as I just kinda banned her from the hospital - at least in my mind.

Bailey clearly didn't get the mental note. "By the power vested in me, blah, blah, blah," she rambles, her eyes already back on the screen in front of her. "Now go find her and tell her she has temporary privileges to stop watching ladies masturbate and to help pull babies out of people."

"Okay, in all fairness, she doesn't actually watch them masturbate. It's like-" I start to defend her, but Bailey cuts me off again by abruptly changing the subject.

"Are you having this problem? I can't get to the medical records."

"Well, let me see if I can help," I offer, taking a look at her screen. It looks frozen. First the elevator and now this? What's going on?!

Then, out of nowhere, a guy shows up behind Bailey. "Can I help you?" she asks him.

"Yeah, I'm Tim. Tim Ruggles from I.T. You called me?" he explains his presence.

Bailey points at her screen. "Why can't I get into the medical records?"

Tim looks over her shoulder. "Oh, have you tried turning it off and turning it-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Tim!" I warn him.

He falls quiet for a second, till Bailey draws his attention again: "Look. This problem is on every computer."

Tim starts to stutter. "Oh. Man. Oh, no."

"Oh, no?!" Bailey echos him. This doesn't sound good. At all.

In the meantime Tim seems close to panicking. "I mean, 'cause... Plus the cardiac monitors malfunctioning..." he stammers.

Okay, now it's my turn to panic. "Cardiac monitors are malfunctioning? I have to-"

I'm up on my feet already before I can finish my sentence. I need to check my patients - right now! Plus there's still someone with a baby on its way. Whether I like it or not, I need to page Carina.

* * *

Alright, my patients are all fine! The NICU is not affected and the soon-to-be-moms are all doing okay. Now I only have to trust the two residents I quickly chartered to keep a close eye on them till the monitors are back on. At least it gives me the time to stop by the ER, to check if Carina can indeed handle the upcoming birth.

"Hey, you came. Thanks!" I sigh in relieve as I run into her in the hallway. We walk to the ER together. "Wow, we're slammed. On top of the the hacking, we have a bunch of OBs that are out with the flu, so Bailey's gonna give you OB privileges and asked if you could help," I tell her.

Carina looks confused. "What hacking?" she asks.

"Well, the computers are down. We've been hacked!" I explain. I know this is a serious problem, but I'm smiling anyway. I tell myself it's not because of her.

Carina doesn't seem to notice it, occupied by her own thoughts. "Oooh! I thought my last patient had the saddest climax I've ever seen, but it's just the screen was frozen!"

"Can you help?" I ask her with a hopeful face.

"Of course, Arizona," she laughs, relaxed as ever, like I only asked her to get me a coffee instead of a baby. We walk up to the counter, where April is talking to two ladies, one of them being awfully pregnant.

"Hey. How we doing here?" I cheer.

April looks up at me, clearly frustrated. "I keep telling them that we can't take patients-"

"But I'm super having a baby right now!" the pregnant woman interrupts her.

"We were having a home birth- a water birth and she panicked a little," the other woman explains.

Carina takes action right away by getting a gurney, and April walks over to me. "Hey, how are the babies in the NICU?"

"Well, the NICU monitors aren't networked, so they haven't been affected," I inform her.

"Thank God," April mumbles, about to walk away before I call her back.

"Hey, will you tell them to stop paging me for births? 'Cause I'm not an OB. Dr. DeLuca is. So they should just page her."

She nods. "Right. Yep."

I turn around and watch how Carina is helping the pregnant woman onto a gurney.

"You're the OB?" she asks her.

"Yes, I am," Carina calmly answers. The patient is everything but calm though.

"I want an epidural. Okay? And I want monitoring and painkillers. And I want all your drugs. And- and machines and robots. Who does this in a kiddie pool in their kitchen?" she groans.

As they start making their way to the labor room, Carina looks at me. "My first patient!" she cheers, spooking the hell out of that very same patient.

"I'm your first patient?!" she screams, wide-eyed.

"No, no, no, no," Carina reassures her, "In _this_ hospital!"

When they leave the ER I swear I can hear her mumble some OMG's, being self-aware of her blunder, and making me laugh even though it shouldn't be funny.

"Enjoying yourself?"

April is back, suddenly standing next to me again.

"A little," I admit, a grin flashing over my face.

"You're so mean," she grins back at me. Together, we watch how the double doors close behind them.

"So, I talked to Hunt," April continues, lowering her voice a little.

I face her, my eyes full of expectation. "And?"

"And he claims it's just fun," she shrugs, her voice all 'I told you so'.

"And you think he means it?" I frown.

The corner of her mouth quirks up. "Well, I did hear the same it's-just-fun story twice now. And honestly... he sounded much more believable than you ever did!"

... ...


	9. Out Of Nowhere

I'm surrounded by darkness again. But this time I don't freak out. As soon as the lights fall out, I spin around on my heels, grab her by the hips and push her backwards, against the wall. Despite the fact that we can't see a thing, our lips crash into each other without hesitation. Our kiss is needy. Hungry.

With the loss of my sight, my other senses seem to heighten. Her sweet taste on my lips. The touch of her hands on my skin, quickly followed by the sensation of her body rocking into mine. The intoxicating smell of our arousal. The sounds of our heavy breathing echoing in the hollow space of the elevator.

Of course that's how things should have gone.

I sigh and open my eyes, immediately realizing I've been audaciously daydreaming while barely hidden behind the counter of the nurses' station. Desperately hoping I don't look as heated as I feel right now, I slowly look up through my eyelashes. Thank God, there's no one there.

"So, I heard we have something in common these days!"

The voice behind me startles me, but at least it gives me an excuse for my already pounding heart. I look over my shoulder. It's Amelia.

"We do?" I ask, furrowing my brows.

She takes a seat on the desk, her feet dangling down. "Yeah, former lovers, moving on in like a day... together." She pulls an awkward face. "I- I assume she is indeed a _former_ lover? And that you knew about them?"

"Oh those two. Yeah, no, I knew. No worries," I reassure her. "So, are you uh, are you okay with it? With Owen already moving on, I mean."

Amelia looks down on me, a small smile on her lips. "Surprisingly, I am," she answers. "I put him through so much crap, I'm just glad he's enjoying himself a little. Although walking into them wasn't exactly the highlight of my day."

"I know the feeling," I mumble.

"I don't think they're very serious, though," she continues nonchalantly.

I sit back in my chair. A sigh escapes me. "I've been hearing that a lot."

"You don't believe it?" Amelia asks, narrowing her eyes.

I shrug. "I don't know."

"Okay," she slowly nods, "Then let me ask you this: do you care?"

"I... might," I admit, a little reluctant.

A confused look appears on her face. "But, didn't _you_ break up with _her_?"

I deeply exhale. I've said it before and I'll say it again - albeit to myself: people talk. Where I work. They talk. A lot!

I drop my shoulders. "Not exactly," I start to explain. "She misunderstood. And before I got to explain myself, she was already with Owen. And yes, I know people keep saying it's nothing serious, but I don't think that she cares about that. She seems to be having a blast with him."

"You don't know, though. Not for sure. It seems like you figured out what everyone else thinks. I'd say: great, but who cares? Cause that's the least important! The only real question for you is what _she_ thinks. What she wants." She playfully kicks against my chair, making me break my gaze and look up at her again. "Get off your lazy ass and figure out what she wants!"

I nod and clear my throat. "You're right. Totally right. But the thing is... it doesn't matter. Cause whatever she thinks, or wants - or even whatever I want, it's just not working. It would only bring us back to square one. To the simple conclusion that the time is wrong."

Amelia just shrugs her shoulders. "Isn't it always?"

Lost for words, I answer her with a sorrowful smile. Right then, both of our pagers start beeping. She's the first to check her screen.

"Pit?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "Nope, Ped's. You?"

I check my screen as well, then grumble in frustration. "OB."

* * *

Not willing to stay here any longer than necessary I enter the world of pink scrubs with only one mission in mind: making clear that I'm not the go-to doc when there are babies on their way - not now, not ever. So as soon as I spot Carina leaving one of the delivery rooms, I speed toward her.

"Hey! Hey!" I call. "Will you tell them to stop paging me to OB? I can deliver babies, but I am not an OB. I used to be a pediatric surgeon, and now I work on fetuses and moms. I did _not_ go into ladies' vaginas, because I do not like to mix business with pleasure-"

"That was me," Carina interrupts my speech. "I sent for you."

"Why?" I frown, a bit confused.

"My patient is terrified. She wants drugs that I can't access, and she's too far along to go somewhere else," she explains, a hint of despair in her eyes.

I look around me, still not understanding why she paged me of all people. "So, what do you want me to do about it?"

"She won't listen to me! Since I suggested that her partner initiate an orgasm-"

"Yeah, see..." I cut her off, "you got to be real choosy about when you bust that out."

She doesn't tell me wrong. "You are the kindest person here. You work with mothers. You _are_ a mother," she goes on, getting my full attention when she gently rests her hands on my arms for a second, sending an unexpected shiver down my spine. "I thought you could... calm her down, no?"

"No," I shortly answer. To my surprise she doesn't try to convince me again - she just looks at me, patiently; her eyes full of expectation, her smile slowly growing bigger. Not able to resist her any longer, I give in anyway. "I mean, yes," I laugh.

Carina sighs, clearly relieved. "Thank you," she quietly utters.

As she turns around to get back in the room, I slowly shake my head. #MissionFailed #BigTime

* * *

"I know you're scared, but you really don't need to be, okay. We're all here, we're getting you through this. Alright?"

She slowly nods at me.

I've been talking to this woman for what feels like forever, and I finally get the feeling that we're getting somewhere. I look up at Carina, and as our eyes meet I silently tell her to be ready. However, just when my eyes move back to our patient, the lights fall out again. Thanks to the window and the daylight outside the room doesn't get completely dark, but both the patient, Peggy, and her wife start screaming nonetheless. I quickly grab Peggy's hand.

"It's just the power, it will be back on in no time!" I try to reassure her, but I can tell how a new wave of panic sweeps over her, and remembering everything I once learned about our window of tolerance, I'm pretty sure she can't hear me right now. I'm right about the lights though, they're back on again within seconds - it just turns out those seconds were all she needed to pull loose and jump out of the bed.

"Honey, please!" Dayna, her wife, calls after her, but Peggy is already at the door.

"No! No, we are not staying here! I'm not having my baby by flashlight!" she tells all of us as she makes her way into the hallway.

We make sure to stay close, following her to wherever she's going right now. I rest my hand on her shoulder. "Hey, look, the lights just came on, so hold on, alright?" I try to calm her down. "Let's just-"

"Nope, we're going to a hospital that's not celebrating Pioneer Days!" she states, though barely able to walk and talk.

"Babe, get back in bed. Come on," Dayna tells her again, but Peggy sticks with many no's.

"Peggy, why are you walking like that?" I calmly ask her, while grabbing a pair of surgical gloves from the counter - I'm actually pretty sure I already know why. "Okay, I'm just gonna check it, alright," I tell her, ignoring the fact that she keeps telling me she's fine. I lower myself to examine her. I don't need long. "Okay, that's it. That's the baby!"

Peggy doesn't agree. "No. No, no, no," she stammers.

I smile at her, telling her this is for real. "I can feel your baby's head. She's coming!"

"Okay, let's go, let's go," Carina tells her, trying to direct her back to the delivery room. But Peggy can't move. She loses herself.

"I'm not ready. I'm not ready, I'm not ready. I'm not a mom. I'm not a mom. I don't think that way!" she rattles incessantly, "I'm not kind or selfless. I mean, I know you are, babe, but I'm not. I'm not. I'll lose her in a supermarket or something. Yeah, she'll get lost or- or hurt or something. I'm terrible. I'm a terrible person. I can't do this. Please don't make me do this. I'm not a mother!"

"Whether you like it or not, this baby is coming, so let's go," I say to her again, a bit more firm this time, as her freaking out won't stop this baby.

Carina and I both take her by the arms, gently directing her to the nearest gurney. She leans on it, still panicking, still hardly able to move, and I realize this baby is about to get born in the middle of the hallway. I quickly take a stand on the other side, telling her over and over again that it's okay - supporting her, distracting her, doing all I can to make sure Carina can do her job.

"I can't do this!" Peggy cries again, and I know she's not talking about the pain. She isn't even talking about the baby, she's not afraid to have a baby. She's afraid to become a mom. And I know she's not the first one going through all this.

"Hey! Look at me!" I shout, trying to get her full attention. It works. She's listening. "I know that you don't feel ready and I know you feel like everything is going to change in an instant. But you feel blindsided now, you trust me. You're gonna take one look at this baby, and you won't remember anything else. You won't care what life was like before you met her. Believe me. You want to meet her."

She nods and mirrors my smile. "Okay?" I check, just to be sure.

"Okay," Peggy nods again.

"I'm gonna need you to push. Ready? Breathe... You take a deep breath, and..." I look at Carina again. She nods at me. She's ready, too.

"Peggy, push," she tells our patient as well, and she does, screaming and groaning, while I keep encouraging her. We're loud, both me and her, but it doesn't take long and we fall quiet as soon as it's over, making room for a whole different sound: that of a crying baby.

Carina gently lays the little girl in her mother's arms and together we wrap her in a blanket. Peggy and Dayna are both in tears, as is the softly applauding audience we gathered, and we all watch in awe how two moms meet their daughter for the first time.

"Hi, there," Peggy chuckles.

There's no more panic. No more fear. There's only happiness. And even if I try, I just can't remember why I hate these OB calls so much.

Not able to hide the big grin on my face, I look up. My eyes meet Carina's. They lock, and over this newborn's head we exchange a look of relief, joy and understanding. It's one of those moments that seem to last forever, though in reality it just takes a second.

But it's enough. Enough to make my stomach flip. Enough to make that rollercoaster drop down again - unexpected, undeniable... and unstoppable.

* * *

I look at them through the window. Or actually, if I'm being totally honest, I just look at her.

After Carina had taken the little family back to their room to settle in, I'd immediately hurried myself to the ER to talk to April, suddenly feeling the desperate need to tell someone - anyone! - about my groundbreaking epiphany.

"I have a crush on her!" I blurted out as soon as I saw my confidant, "An old-school, secretly pining for her, close to pathetic, big ass-crush!"

But as shocked as I was myself, my new insights clearly didn't impress my friend.

"Took you long enough to figure that out," she just grumbled, before reminding me how the entire hospital was dealing with a stone age crisis today and asking me about my priorities. "Arizona, if you can't help yourself, if you really need to talk about it, instead of - I don't know... saving lives or something - then please go and talk... but at least talk to the right person!"

It wasn't the chat, or the advice, I was hoping for, but as she already ran away to the next incoming disaster, it was pretty clear that this was all I was going to get today. And maybe, just maybe, it wasn't even that bad.

Cause here I am again, back at the obstetrics ward. Waiting. Watching. And wondering. Wondering what the hell happened to me - to the girl who used to be brave enough to... to... kiss strangers in dirty bar bathrooms! Since when am I so damn insecure about these kinda things?! This isn't me. This really shouldn't be me. I don't want to walk away. Not anymore.

I wonder. I wait. And I watch.

I watch how, in some miraculous way, she's the light in that room - well, except for the baby, probably. How she's completely at ease with her patients again. How she helps them through that first, scary hour of being a parent, right at this moment by sharing the first results of the Apgar test. I can only hear half of it, but it seems like the little girl is doing a-okay!

"You have a very healthy, and very beautiful daughter," she tells them. "Congratulations!"

They thank her and I realize she's about to leave the room. I swallow. It's time to act normal. Or well, let's not aim to high. Professional will do.

"Hey," she says, her voice hardly more than a whisper. I turn towards her as she walks up to me.

"Nice work," I compliment her.

"Pfff," she sighs, not looking that confident any more. "I haven't delivered a baby since I started my research, and.. this is my first patient here, and I totally screwed the dog."

"Uh, the pooch. You screwed the pooch," I correct her, thinking back of that first night we met all of a sudden, and making her look shy, in a cute way. Which makes me laugh. "And you didn't. You didn't! You were smart, and you called me, and we made a good team."

She seems to relax a little. "I think so, too," she nods.

A grin flashes over my face, and for a short second we fall quiet. I avert my gaze, looking through the window at the baby again, but I can still feel her eyes lingering on me. When I turn my head again, she looks straight at me.

"I've missed you," she says flat-out, and by the way she does, I know that she means it.

"I've missed you, too," I confess, making her giggle a little. I clear my throat. It's now or never. "So, uhm, aren't you... aren't you with Hunt now?"

I start walking, as I don't want to talk about these things in front of our patient's room, and she quickly follows me. "Nah," she laughs, "he tells me every morning that it's just for fun and we're not a thing." It might be wishful thinking, but she doesn't sound like she really cares.

"Well, that's so good," I smile, realizing right away that I sound a bit flirty. I look at her again, my eyes finishing the unspoken question that's hanging in the air: "...right?"

I could be wrong, but I think her smile answers my question. Just like before we exchange a meaningful look, this time one that's full of suggestion. Before any of us can say anything else though, I get abruptly pushed aside by Wilson, who's running through the hallway like a maniac.

Oh right, the hospital is in trouble today!

The reality check could not be any bigger. We really should make ourselves a little more useful, instead of having embarrassing conversations in the middle of the hallway.

Suddenly feeling a weird kind of nervous, I start bouncing on my feet. "Uh, we should-" I start, but she already gets where I'm going.

"Yeah," she immediately agrees, starting to walk the other way. "_Sì..._"

"Okay..." I quietly mumble, more to myself than to her, as she's already out of earshot.

When she's out of sight as well, I deeply exhale. Three minutes after I decided I don't want to walk away anymore, I literally do so. Seriously, what's wrong with me? On the other hand: I still haven't told her about the mistake. But on the _other_-other hand: she missed me. Yet, she's also still-

A sudden but very welcoming ringing forces my brain to shut up. I pull my phone out of my pocket and check the screen. A loud laugh escapes my lips. Sorry April, saving lives has to wait just a liiiiittle bit longer.

I answer the call.

"Hey again," I grin from ear to ear. "Or should I say: _Prontooo!? _"

... ...


	10. - Missing Drabbles 1 -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more deleted scenes, as we suffer through this endless winter break. I'd like to call these webisodes my Missing Drabbles' - short, but insightful (well, a little, at least). I'm sure you guys know where they fit into the story. I hope you'll like them.

1.

_"Grazie!"_ I smile at the bartender as he hands me the red wine I just ordered. The glass is too full, but in the eighteen hours I've been here so far, I already learned that food, and apparently booze as well, is basically about quantity over here. I don't mind though, I can use some extra tonight. Out of habit I swirl my glass, sniff, then take a small sip, briefly circulating the wine throughout my mouth. It's not the best... but it will do.

"Listen, I know I left you like ten messages already and you don't seem to care, but I do hope you'll hear me out one more time."

The voice next to me makes me look up. There's a woman sitting three seats away from me, with no one in between us. She's gorgeous. The fact that she's clearly furious doesn't change that. After all, there's nothing wrong with some fire - some passion.

"I've been to your place. I know you're gone," she continues. "And I'm glad, glad that now at least I know I don't have to worry anymore. That I know that you are not lying dead under some stairs somewhere."

Her voice sounds harsh. Hurt. I shouldn't eavesdrop, I really don't intend to, but I'm kinda bored... and this sounds way too juicy.

"I'm glad that you finally gave me reason to be just pissed off. Cause whatever reason you may think is good enough to walk away like this, well, it's not. It's crap! You are crap!"

Whoa, sounds like someone is soon going to be one sorry ex-boyfriend...

"You know perfectly well that I have nothing to do with your resignation. And treating me like I'm part of it all, like _I_ am crap... that's really not okay, Eliza!"

...or girlfriend!

"So, here it is. When you'll start to realize that - and you will! - just don't bother to come back. Don't even bother to call me. We are done."

She ends the call with a deep sigh and puts her phone away, just as mine starts ringing - for the fifth time tonight. I check the screen, even though I don't need to. I press decline, also for the fifth time tonight, and turn off my phone. Slowly exhaling, I close my eyes for a moment. Remember when the world was actually big? When you could actually leave things behind?

I should call my brother. Tell him I'm here. Or I could surprise him just a little bit later? I turn my head and glance at my neighbor again. A small grin flashes over my face. I mean, what's the rush, right?

She's kicking back her drink (I'm guessing it's gin tonic and I'm guessing it's not her first one), looking slightly less angry than a minute ago, though still pretty agitated. And still absolutely gorgeous. Sorry _fratellino_, you do have to wait a little longer. There's a damsel in distress - or, as she seems strong enough to save herself, probably just a damsel - waiting for me. I'm sure you understand.

I slowly get up, take my wine and walk towards her. As I take the seat next to her, she shows me a small, polite smile.

I smile back at her.

"You're drinking alone?"

* * *

2.

"You want another espresso?" Andrea asks, already waving at the waitress. I nod and he orders two more coffees and some extra _fette biscottate._

"I can't believe I flew all this way just to have Italian breakfast again," I laugh.

My brother returns my smile. "It's a nice place though, isn't it?" I look around the small bistro and smile at him; it really is.

"So, are you gonna tell me about Italy?" he drops the question, before taking a big bite of his rusk.

I shake my head. "Nope," I simply answer. With his mouth too full to react straight away I quickly continue, changing the subject, "I need to ask you a favor."

Andrea raises his eyebrows, waiting for whatever is next.

"I need you to introduce me to Miranda Bailey," I tell him. "She's your boss, right?"

He narrows his eyes, looking a bit suspicious. "Why?" he asks with a hint of restraint in his voice. "Are you going to seduce her as well?"

Unable to stop myself, I burst into laughter. "No! I want to talk to her about work."

"You wanna go back to work?"

I pick up my espresso and take a small sip, careful not to burn my mouth. "_Sì_. It's been long enough. I wanna finish my research."

"Okay. So you _are_ really doing better then?" he cautiously checks. His concern warms my heart and I realize how much I've missed him.

"I am," I smile again, "I really am."

Somewhat reassured, he seems to relax a little. "Good. I'm glad," he slowly nods, just before a small smirk creeps on his face. "Cause although I know I owe you a few depressing weeks on my couch, I don't think I can trust you around my roommate anymore!"

I throw my napkin at his head as another genuine laugh escapes me. "Oh, shut up! When did you become so prudish?!"

My brother is smart enough not to answer me. Instead we finish our breakfast in comfortable silence. After the waitress cleans our table and goes to get our check, I look at him again. "So, you'll ask her? To meet with me?"

He pulls a face. "You promise not to sleep with any more of my bosses?"

"I promise," I tell him with a straight face, yet with my fingers crossed behind my back - albeit in the most obvious way.

Andrea shakes his head. "I'll ask her," he sighs, his eyes twinkling and telling me he's not that serious though. "And I'll probably regret even saying this, but I'm really happy you are here."

I lean forward and tousle his hair, before he can even duck away. "Me too," I laugh, and I really mean it.

* * *

3.

"Hm, I guess you like Italian, huh?" I wink. There's nothing like the taste of yourself on someone else's tongue. Arizona opens her mouth to shut me up, but it's me who quiets her first as I capture her lips again.

Hungry for more, I gently shove her back against the kitchen wall, pinning her with my body, my lips already finding their way back to her neck. My fingers trail down, impatiently, till they find the button of her jeans. I can feel how her chest rises and falls heavily as my breasts press against hers.

"You know, I have a perfectly fine bedr-oooah..." she groans, just as my hand slips into her panties. I groan as well. She's wet for me.

"I don't want your bedroom," I breathe against her skin. I catch her bottom lip between my teeth and tug until she lets out a small gasp. "I just want you. Right now. Right here."

I retrieve my hand and pull her shirt over her head in one swift movement. My hands quickly find her hips again, holding her firmly against the wall. Arizona tries to pull me in, but I surprise her by suddenly spinning her away from me, making her face the wall. As my hand slips around her waist, roaming the naked skin of her abdomen, I press my body into hers from behind. My free hand brushes her hair to the side and I trace the back of her neck with open mouth kisses. I don't think I'll ever get enough of her taste, her smell.

"Carina," she pants heavily, but I shush her - I already know what she wants. My hand slides downwards to tuck itself into her jeans again, my fingers stroking the smooth silk of her panties. With her palms flat against the wall, she throws her head back onto my shoulder. She's gasping, ready for more, but we're not there yet.

I manage to yank both her jeans and panties a bit further down, then wrap my other arm around her as well. A small attempt to give her some extra support. My hand slips underneath her bra and starts squeezing her breast; her hard nipple rolling between my fingers. She whimpers and her body squirms against mine, uncontrollably as it seems. I tighten my grip a little to make sure I keep her up on both feet.

With my lips attached to her neck and one hand still teasing her nipple, my other hand lowers again, till it reaches its destination. I gasp. Her pussy feels so hot, it's like she's literally burning with desire. My fingers start to explore, slipping between her wet lips, slowly finding their way up to her pounding clit. As I start rubbing, drawing firm circles around the swollen nub, her hips begin to move against my hand. I mirror her movements, pressing my dripping core against the back of her hipbone, telling her I want her just as bad. Another moan escapes her.

I start circling her entrance, teasingly. Letting go of the wall with one hand, Arizona reaches back over her shoulder and buries her hand into my hair. "C- Carina," she begs again, her mouth just an inch away from mine, "Just f-" She exhales. "Just fuck me already!"

Her voice sounds as hoarse as her breathing. I can't resist it. She wins.

I close the small gab between us for a wet, sloppy kiss and enter her at the same time, two fingers at once. She moans into my mouth. Her hips meet my thrusts and I grind my sex against her tensed body, a little harder this time. I'm still so sensitive from before, I don't need much more than this to come all over again.

"That's so.. _Y-you_ feel so good," Arizona breathes against my ear as our lips break apart in a desperate need for air. "Don't stop. Don't ever stop!"

_"Sto godendo,"_ I groan in return, as my fingers keep sliding in and out. I feel how her walls clench around them. The palm of my thumb finds her clit again, hitting it every time I thrust in deep, taking her hard like she begs me to, with and without words.

With my other hand still upon her breast, my lips grazing against her neck - muffling my moans into her hair, my body this close against hers, I feel like we are one.

And I come.

And she comes. Panting. Quivering. Convulsing around my fingers.

But it doesn't stop me. Despite my own shaking legs, despite her pulling my hair in her need to hold on to something - anything! - I manage to keep her up. I do as she told me. I keep thrusting. I keep stroking. Until a second orgasm hits her. Until our legs finally give in and we slowly drop ourselves to the floor, holding on to each other, and not able to speak another word.

Seriously, who needs a bedroom?

... ...


	11. - Missing Drabbles 2 -

4.

"Forty-eight," I mumble.

Arizona tilts her head to look at me as we walk down the stairs and into the hallway together, leaving the gallery behind us. "Forty-eight what?" she asks, a puzzled look on her face.

"Minutes," I smirk. "You wondered if we could sit next to each other for more than five minutes, without, you know, jumping each other. We were there for forty-eight."

"We were," she grins back at me, "Yay us! I think we just set a record. And that's including the night we met." Her cheeks flush a little, but there's also a twinkle in her eyes. She's not showing any shame. Or regret.

"I think you're right," I giggle. "You think we deserve a medal now? Maybe call those people from Guinness?"

She stops walking, and as I do too, she turns towards me.

"Well, I don't know about that..." she quietly muses, still grinning like a proud rooster (or chicken?). Our eyes lock, and when she slowly closes the distance between us without breaking our gaze, I unconsciously lick my bottom lip. I catch myself holding my breath in anticipation of what comes next, but she surprises me by suddenly moving to the side a little, stretching out her arm to open the door that's right behind me.

Her mischievous smile grows even bigger as she moves her mouth close to my ear. "... But I guess some kind of celebration won't harm us," she continues, her voice hardly more than a whisper.

Not able to wait any longer I turn my head to meet her lips, but I'm too late; Arizona already moves around me, then backwards inside the empty on-call room. She's not leaving me here high and dry though. Before I know it she grabs me by the lapel of my lab coat and pulls me along with her. I offer no resistance.

As soon as we're in the room she slams the door behind us. And then she finally - finally! - kisses me.

* * *

5.

"It's my daughter, Sofia. She- She wants to move home."

Arizona keeps talking, but I don't hear her anymore. Her words vanish into the background as a wave of emotions hit me, straight in the face. Tucked away memories pop up without a warning, not giving me a chance to fight them.

I sit up.

Just two hours ago I decided to take the plunge. To let go. To trust. To see where we'd end up by going forward, as I'd suddenly realized that there was no going back anymore - there were already too many feelings involved to just ignore, to just stick with meaningless fun. At least for me.

But now I suddenly see what forward actually means. Where it will take me. It's crystal clear. Like a loud wake-up call.

I can't be here. I can't be somewhere, anywhere, where I can't avoid... this.

A bit dazed, I pull my jeans towards me and slip into them. Right then I realize the room is quiet again. Wait, did she just ask me a question? I blink, look down and realize I'm putting my clothes back on. My body is on auto-pilot. My brain, or the amygdala to be specific, is taking over. It's fight or flight. And for me it's flight. It's always flight.

Forcing myself to look over my shoulder, to really look at her, I swallow. She looks so confused.

"I- I forgot, I have to go. I need to be... somewhere," I stammer. I avert my eyes again. They quickly scan the half-lit room, searching for my shirt. I find the messy garment on the floor, next to my feet, and swiftly put it back on while getting up.

I turn around to face her. She still stares at me, wide-eyed. She slightly opens her mouth to speak up, then closes them again before any words come out.

Not knowing what else to do or say, mainly because my brain is still screwing me, I bend in and press a soft kiss on her hair. "I'm sorry," I mutter. Our eyes briefly meet and I want to kiss her again, for real this time... but I don't.

I can't go back. I can't go forward.

I stumble backwards a few steps, pick up my shoes as I almost trip over them, then quickly turn around again. Her voice follows me as I leave the room without looking back.

"But you were gonna stay!" Arizona cries out behind me.

I can't go back. I can't go forward. And I definitely can't stay.

* * *

6.

"Carina! Carina, _aspetta! _"

I turn around and watch my brother run towards me, asking me again to wait for him.

"What's up, _mio dolce fratellino? _" I smile when he gets to me, a little out of breath. "Whoa, sounds like someone needs to hit the gym a bit more often," I wink.

He ignores my comment, gently shoving me to the side just so two nurses pushing an empty gurney can pass us.

"What happened?" he bluntly asks, a slight hint of judgement on his face.

I furrow my brow. What is he talking about?

"_Che cosa? _" I ask in return.

"With you and Arizona? What did you do?" he clarifies his question, a little under his breath as we are still in public.

"Nothing!" I exclaim, perhaps a little too quick - too defensive. "I didn't do anything!"

Andrea raises his eyebrows, telling me he's not buying it.

"W-why? Did she say anything?" I stammer. I'm suddenly afraid that he's going to tell me the one thing I don't want to hear. Please, I beg to myself, don't tell me that I hurt her.

"She didn't really need to," he shortly replies, "She looked like shit this morning." The hallway is getting more crowded and he pulls me even closer to the wall. "Listen, she's not just my boss and my roommate, okay? She's my friend. So don't make me pick sides. Cause being my sister does not mean I will automatically pick yours!"

I sigh. I honestly don't care if he's in my corner or not. I just wish I hadn't upset Arizona. I wish she wouldn't care for me as I care for her. I wish last night never happened - not just the message and the walking away, but the hours before. Especially the hours before.

I take a deep breath and look my brother in the eyes again. "I left. She told me about Sofia-"

"-who's coming home," he completes my sentence, nodding impatiently.

"Yes, who's coming home," I continue with another sigh, somewhat distracted by his interruption. "She told me and I... I just- I realized I can't be with her."

He frowns. "Because of her kid?!"

"No," I quietly answer him. "Because of mine."

... ...


	12. Four Seasons  In One Day

Carina's bright laugh sounds through the phone as if she's standing right next to me. "_Hey_ will do," she chuckles.

"What's up?" I ask her, "More babies on their way?"

"Probably," she answers. By the sound of her voice I can tell that she's smiling. "But that's not why I'm calling."

The doors of the elevator open and I step in, too curious about what she's got to say to really worry about the ride, despite our earlier adventure.

"I uh," she goes on in the meantime, "I forgot to ask you something."

I narrow my eyes as my brain is trying to get ahead of me. Where's this going?

"Shoot!" I tell her, failing in my attempt to sound breezy.

"I was wondering..." she starts, before clearing her throat. She isn't nervous, is she? She doesn't do, doesn't _know_ nervous. Just as she starts talking again I can hear someone call her name.

"Yes," she says, "I'm sorry," and as she falls quiet, seemingly waiting for my reply, I realize that last part was for me.

"...eed you right now," the distant voice comes between again before I can react, sounding more clear now, and more urgent.

"I have to go. I'll find you later," Carina tells me hastily. _"Ciao!"_

"Ciao," I answer, though I'm pretty sure she's already gone. I'm afraid that her words, or unspoken words in this case, will linger with me for the rest of the day, like some annoying riddle that gets stuck in your head, but it turns out I'm wrong about that as soon as I leave the elevator. The minute I spot the familiar face my mind goes elsewhere.

It's Dr. Stadler. _The_ Dr. Stadler. Or at least I think it is. It doesn't make a lot of sense that he's here though.

Without much thinking I walk up to him and brutally interrupt his conversation with Wilson. For some reason they look like they know each other, so I guess she won't mind.

"Are you-" I swiftly look at Wilson, then at Stadler again. "Is he- Are you Paul? Stadler?"

"Yes," he nods, showing a charming grin.

"Oh, my God. Wow! I am- I am such a huge fan," I cheer, and before I know it I'm gabbling like a maniac - and forgetting everything around me. Including Carina.

* * *

So I finally found my work focus again and it turns out this is where I'm needed the most: waiting in a non-moving line for the blood bank that won't open. Great! Also great: the fact that this place is quickly turning into a sauna. Trying to keep it together (it's way too hot right now to get all worked up over nothing!) I take a deep breath and turn off my mind, until a soft sound drags me back to the present: the Tinder beep.

Although I kinda decided to ignore the app for a while, with so many other things on my mind, I _am_ kind of bored now... and it doesn't hurt to just check, right?  
It's pretty pointless though, as I catch myself hardly looking at the picture before swiping to the left - continuously, as other profiles show up, and without paying much attention to them.

"Hey!"

Carina's voice makes me look up.

"Hey," I say as well, as I quickly put my phone away.

"I thought you would want to know that Ms. Knox is doing fine, and she's hopelessly in love with her baby daughter," she tells me with a big smile on her face. She looks like her relaxed self again.

I mirror her smile. "Ooh, yes, I did, I wanted to know that!"

"Finding anyone promising?" she asks, suddenly changing the subject, making me lose track of her till she points at my phone.

"Oh. No, no. I was just- I was killing time while I'm in line to get blood." This isn't embarrassing. At all. (Except that it is.)

She's not someone who ridicules though. She's someone who teaches life lessons - as it turns out...

"Look at this hospital. All this chaos because of the Internet, and you trust it with your heart?" she points out.

"Well, it saves a lot of time," I come to my defense.

"It _wastes_ time!" she sets me straight. "All the slapping the screen for hours. And how do you know if you have a connection if you can't look in that woman's eyes? Online is like dating one of those uhm, window dolls with no faces!"

I can't help but laugh. "Mannequins," I help her find the word she's looking for.

"Yeah. A photo might be sexy, but until you're face-to-face to talk, listen, share your passions..." Carina takes a step closer. I swear I could have felt it with my eyes closed. "...only then do you know if there is electricity, you know?"

Oh, I know.

I just can't tell her, as some intern suddenly asks for our attention by yelling "Clear!", before literally frying the lock of the blood bank with a defibrillator. Talking about sparks!

"We have blood," he states matter-of-factly, as he opens the door and casually walks away.

We look at each other again, stunned by what we just witnessed.

"Did that really happen?" I question out loud. "Damn, I need to get that one on my team!" I murmur, while making a mental note.

Carina just shakes her head, chuckling.

I focus my attention on her again. "So, what was it?" I ask her.

She frowns a little, a puzzled look on her face. "What was what?"

"The thing you forgot to ask me?" I remind her. "You said you were wondering...?"

"Ah _sì_, right!" She scrapes her throat, then looks me straight in the eyes. "Do you wanna have dinner with me? Like... tonight?"

I lift my eyebrow. "Will Hunt be there?"

Her laugh surprises me - I actually wasn't joking! - but reassures me as well. "No, he won't! Please, don't worry about him!"

She does sound sincere. I sigh, then force myself to smile. After all, isn't this kind of what I was hoping for? A chance to set things straight?

"I'll try," I nod.

"Is that a yes?" she asks, her eyes lighting up with hope.

"Yes," I smirk, "It's a yes."

* * *

"And you had no idea? About her past. About him?!" she gazes in astonishment, before taking a sip of her wine. I quickly swallow my food so I can continue my bizarre story.

"Not a clue!" I exclaim. "And mind you, I lived with her and Alex for months! You think you know someone, huh?"

Carina puts her glass down. "So what did they want from you?"

"They asked me to go and distract him, so Wilson could talk to his fiancé."

A look of horror washes over her face. "He's engaged again?" she cries out.

I make a face. "Of course he is! Men like him can never go too long without dominating women. Without turning another one into their next victim." I shake my head as I get lost in my thoughts for a second. When I look up at her again, I see that I still have her full attention. "Anyhow, it was up to me to get him away from this woman. Which wasn't even the most difficult part," I continue.

She raises her brows. "What was?" she softly asks.

I take a big gulp of my wine, emptying my glass. "Not kicking his ass," I simply tell her.

I mean it. If it wouldn't have blown my cover, and ruined their plan, I would have beat the crap out of him. Like he had done to her, for years.

"You would seriously consider fighting him? A grown man? Like... physically?!" she questions, a small smile on her lips, yet without making fun of me.

I shrug. "Hell yeah. Growing up with an older brother, and with lots of name calling on the playground, I can handle a douchebag like him!" Carina just looks at me, her eyes telling me she doubts that I'm even buying this myself. I cough, then show her a small, indulgent smile. "Plus, you know, don't underestimate this leg. One hundred percent titanium, ya'know!"

"Now _that_ I can believe!" she giggles, and with that we both burst into laughter. And boy, does it feel good! I don't even mind the ache in my stomach, or the lack of air that makes my head spin. I just laugh, and when I finally catch my breath and look at her, watch how she wipes some tears out of her eyes, I laugh some more. Till I just can't anymore.

"We really shouldn't laugh about this," I sigh, while desperately trying to keep my face straight just to avoid another outburst, "but my God, I really needed this." I pick up my glass of water, only to realize I already drank it all. Carina hands me hers.

"Quite some day, huh?" she grins.

"Hm, let's see. Getting stuck in an elevator, delivering a baby in the middle of the hallway, and playing Charlie's Angels to save some domestic violence victim... and it's not even 8:30! Yep, I'd say we can call it quite some day!" I chuckle.

We share a smile.

"Well, you can sit back and relax now," she says, before gesturing at the waitress to refill our wine glasses. And she's right, I can relax now. I'm in no hurry. Although I did intend to be home early, as Sofia just got back to me, Sofia herself had insisted on a sleepover at Zola's and I couldn't think of a real reason why not. And with that, the night is mine.

"How's your food?" Carina asks me, bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Delicious!" I beam. "Although not as good as your... what was it again? Pasta di... mama?"

"_Della Nonna_," she winks, "But as long as you don't tell my grandma, you can call it anything you want."

* * *

It's quiet at the waterfront, even though it's not that cold for this time a year. It's quite nice actually, and after this crazy day I really enjoy being outside. As I look out over the bay, leaning against the railing, I sniff the fresh air. A ferry passes by, its bright lights reflecting on the water. The sun set hours ago.

When I turn around I see that Carina has sat down on one of the benches behind me. Our eyes meet and her mouth curves into a smile. I smile back at her and walk over to sit by her side. For a while we just enjoy the comfortable silence. We watch a guy on roller skates whiz by, and a sea gull catching a fish - at least I hope it's a fish.

"I didn't mean to end things, you know?" I softly speak up.

She turns her head to me, the small smile still on her lips. "I know," she slowly nods.

My eyes widen. "You know?!" I cry out. "Then why didn't you- How come-"

"It just seems better if you actually did mean to," she answers me before I can form the question, saving me from a search for words I would probably never find.

"Because of Hunt?" I carefully check, not sure if I actually want to know.

"Noooo!" she calls out. "Arizona, Owen has nothing to do with it. I didn't even know him back then."

I shrug, unconvinced by her argument. "Sure, and you didn't stay the night there either. You keep telling yourse-"

"He lives in the woods," she cuts me off.

I blink and shake my head. "What?!"

"He lives in the woods," Carina repeats herself, "In the middle of the woods - the middle of absolutely nowhere! _Alla fine del mondo!_ I just stayed there out of... convenience." She takes me by the shoulders, making me look her in the eyes. "Owen has _nothing_ to do with it," she says again.

I slowly exhale, then nod at her. She lets go off me. My gaze moves back to the rippling water in front of us. For a moment I just stare at it, until I force myself to face her again, even though her eyes keep lingering on the black surface of the bay.

"Then why? Why did you think this is for the best?" I ask again. I feel like I'm pushing her, but I just need to know. Need to understand.

"I mean, I would get it if you'd say it was me. If you're just not into me. I wouldn't like it, but I would get it. I would. Except that it doesn't make sense. That everything you do, everything you say, keeps telling me different. That we are here again - _together_." I lift my hand and gently take her chin, tilting it a little till she faces me. I let go as soon as she does. "And that we both know, no matter what else is going on, that at least that part feels right."

This time she's the one to just nod, and even though that doesn't tell me a lot, it does comfort me a little - at least she doesn't fight me on the feelings-part.

"So," I cautiously continue, "what exactly is the what-else-is-going-on part?"

She rubs her eyes, like she's tired all of a sudden, then takes a deep breath before speaking up.

"I just- I got spooked," she sighs.

"Spooked? How? Like Tom Cruise?!" I blurt out, a little louder than I intend to.

She frowns at me. "What?"

"You know, in Cocktail," I mumble.

A tensed chuckle falls from her lips. "Yeah, something like that."

She confuses me. She doesn't seem like the type of person that gets scared that easily. I don't want to give her the feeling she can't talk about these things, though.

"Alright, then what spooked you?" I frown, as my mind already wanders back to that night she literally ran away. "Wait, that message from Sofia. You said the idea of having a kid around freaked you out. That's it, isn't it? You don't like kids!?"

"Oh no, I like kids. I love kids!" she exclaims, and I have to admit she sounds quite convincing. "It's not so much that you have a kid, it's... Okay, this might sound ridiculous, but it's- it's the fact that a kid has you. That you're a mom. It's... motherhood." A sudden sadness clouds her face. "The confrontation with motherhood."

Carina averts her eyes again and as she stares at the dark horizon, I just stare at her. I swallow.

"What happened?" I ask her, my voice hardly louder than a whisper.

I'm afraid this is all I get, that she already told me more than she wants to. But she surprises me.

"A little less than a year ago I got in a car accident," she quietly starts to tell, as her mind seems to trail off. "A serious one. A drunken driver drove into me - drove me off the road, into an abyss. My car was wrecked. Firemen had to get me out of it and I ended up in the hospital." She looks at me. Tears shimmer in her eyes. "I was almost eight months pregnant."

My breathing gets stuck. "Oh, Jesus," I mutter. "D- Did you...?"

She nods. "I lost the baby. I lost my son. My _bambino_."

I'm speechless. I swallow again, an impossible attempt to get rid of the lump in my throat. Not knowing what else to do, I move a bit closer towards her and gently lay my hand on her shoulder. I expect her to start crying, but she doesn't. Instead, she keeps talking.

"The funny thing is, I never really wanted to be a mother. It wasn't that high on my list. But as soon as I knew about him, growing inside me, I was one. I was a mother. Before he was even born. And for some reason, from that moment on, it was like it was all I'd ever wanted to be. You know?"

I nod. I do know.

"A few weeks after I lost him I had to go home. To a place that was still waiting for him. To a house with a nursery. To a man who couldn't wait to be a father, but wouldn't. Not this time... I had to go back. But I couldn't."

She falls quiet. I can see how she draws her lower lip between her teeth to stop it from trembling.

"You left," I say. It's not even a question.

"_Sì_, I left."

She gets up, catching me a little off guard by this sudden movement, and takes a few steps forward, till she reaches the spot where I had been standing before. I quickly follow her, and as we both lean against the railing, our eyes on the water again, she goes on.

"I put my research on hold, said my goodbyes and left for nowhere in particular. And I was doing pretty well actually. Visiting old friends, all over the globe. Lots of fun. Lots of sex..." She playfully bumps my shoulder with hers and for a second I recognize the old Carina, the Carina I met at the bar, but I know better now.

"Don't get me wrong, I know what I'm doing. I know that I am, how do you say this? - burying my face in the sand. But why go through five stages if the first one is actually helping you?"

I take a sharp breath and turn towards her. She mirrors my pose, looking at me, waiting for the affirmation I'm not going to give her.

"I lost my baby, too," I softly tell her instead. "I was only a couple of weeks pregnant, but still. Losing that baby felt like losing a piece of myself."

Carina stares at me. Recognition dawns on her face. "How did you deal with it?" she asks.

Her question brings me back to those days, those weeks after the miscarriage. How I didn't talk about it, especially not to Callie. How I shut her out - and how easily she let me, burying herself in her work. How I just wanted to forget. And how, in the end, I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I shake my head. "Not well," I answer honestly, "I didn't deal well."

Stepping towards her, I take her hand and lead her back to the bench with me. We both sit down, way closer to each other than before - and not because it's quickly starting to get colder. She doesn't let go of my hand and we both watch how our fingers lace.

"The first one isn't helping you," I tell her, my eyes still on our hands. "It keeps you stuck. Those stages, they are there for a reason. The first four of them suck, I know that, but when you get to the fifth, when you get to _accept..._" I look up. Our eyes meet. "... you get to move on."

She chews her bottom lip, a musing look on her face. "Roberto, my ex, keeps calling me. Don't worry, he doesn't want me back or anything," she rushes to tell me, even though she doesn't really need to. "He's not that stupid," she scoffs at herself.

"What does he want?" I ask, ignoring the open invitation to degrade her, too.

"I'm not exactly sure. I know he's dealing with this stuff as well. He's in therapy, apparently, and his therapist suggested that I get involved somehow. They don't seem to understand that their way doesn't really fit with my way, though." She narrows her eyes. "What do you think about therapy?"

For some reason I don't feel this is the right moment to tell her about my personal experiences. I gently squeeze her hand.

"I think you should call him," I carefully suggest. "I mean, if that's what he needs to move on. And who knows, maybe it helps you, too? To get some closure?"

She lets my words sink in, then slowly nods. "I'll think about it."

We fall quiet again. Neither of us seems to be in a rush to go. In the end she's the one who breaks our silence.

"So... what about us?" she finally asks the question that's been lingering in the air. A simple question, with a difficult answer.

"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "I know that I really, really like you though."

Now she's the one squeezing my hand. "I really, really like you, too," she whispers.

"So maybe then that's it for now? And maybe... maybe that's enough?" I muse, as I rest my head on her shoulder. "Just sitting here, really really liking each other..."

She answers me by moving a little closer and pressing a kiss on top of my head. I couldn't wish for anything else right now.

A big cargo ship passes by in the distance. Two teenagers in love take a seat on the bench next to ours. There are sounds of an ambulance nearby, but tonight we can just ignore them.

"Arizona?" Carina suddenly speaks up again.

"Hm?"

"Remember when I told you how fate brought us together?"

I chuckle. How can I not remember her lame ass pick-up line in the bar? "What about it?" I ask her.

She wraps her arm around me and pulls me close. "I'm starting to believe I was right about that."

... ...


	13. Personal Jesus

"Did you hear?"

Carina's voice popping up out of nowhere startles me a little. I hadn't noticed her standing right beside me all of a sudden. I take my coffee-to-go from the counter and turn to face her.

"Hear what?" I frown.

She leans in a little, conspiring. "About that doctor, the violent one. He's here. Someone run him over with a car!"

My eyes grow wide. "Wow!" I exhale, "Karma really is a bitch, huh?!"

We take a few steps away from the coffee cart. "Karma? Yes, maybe. Or... maybe it was you?" she whispers, making me choke in my cappuccino.

"What?!" I cry out, coughing and fighting the stinging tears in my eyes. "Are you insane?"

She shrugs. "Well, you said you wanted to kick his ass," she calmly points out, and it isn't until then that I notice the sparkle in her eyes. She's joking - of course.

A smirk creeps across my lips, ruining my attempt to show her my poker face. "You think I would damage my car for a shithead like him?" I scoff. "Besides, if this happened last night, I believe I have an alibi."

"I believe you do," she smiles. "And talking about last night, I uh... I had a really great time. Does that sound weird?" She glances up at me through her eyelashes.

I shake my head. "No, it doesn't. My stomach actually still hurts from all the laughing," I confess, as I return her smile. "And I'm really glad that we talked."

"Me too," she nods. For a few seconds we just look at each other. "So uhm, I was thinking... maybe we coul-"

"Uuhm, Dr. Robbins?"

I turn around. There's an intern behind me, bouncing on her feet, looking rather nervous.

"Yes?" I ask her.

"It's Karin Taylor. Precipitate delivery."

It's my cue to run. Quickly shoving my coffee into Carina's hands, I hurry to follow the intern. After yesterday I could really use an easy morning, but I can clearly forget about that. I just feel it... it's going to be one of those days again.

* * *

"You couldn't tell me you were treating my jilted fiancé's wife?" April jumps at me as soon as I join her in the hallway.

I briefly rest my hand on her shoulder. "I couldn't, cause y'know, HIPAA," I explain, referring to the privacy rules. "I wanted to so badly!" A soft sigh escapes me, glad that she found out anyway.

"Dr. Robbins?"

I turn around and watch Andrew carefully move the newborn - warm and safe in it's incubator, out of the room.

"Oh, hey, all right. Well, this one's got a NICU bed with her name on it, so let's take her up and get her work-up," I cheer.

"Okay, yeah," Andrew nods, without actually taking the action. Instead, he gestures over his shoulder to Karin and Matthew. "You know, that couple is so nice. They remind me of, uh, of... That's it! She reminds me of you!" he laughs, pointing at April.

Ai, not helping, Andrew. Not helping at all!

He doesn't seem to notice though, despite April's face. "Let's go!" he just tells the cooing baby, reminding me that leaving right now is probably the best option here.

"All right. I'm gonna go up with the baby and get settled," I tell April, quickly following my former roommate down the hallway.

"So, how's life at Hunt's bachelor mansion?" I ask as soon as I catch up with him, eliciting a loud laugh.

"Bachelor mansion? Really?" He pulls a face and makes me chuckle, as his laughter is quite contagious.

"Hey, two single guys sharing a huge house, what am I supposed to think?" I giggle and wink, before suddenly remembering something. "Oh, but wait, didn't I hear something about some ex being back in town?!" I raise my brows, suggestively.

Andrew answers with an uncomfortable cough, and I decide to let him off the hook.

"Okay, so one single guy then... Right?" I continue, as we step into the elevator, continuing our way to the Ped's ward. With the incubator in between us, Andrew faces me.

"I haven't seen her," he tells me in the most casual way.

I make sure to keep my eyes on the baby. "Who?" I ask, striving to sound innocent.

"Carina!" he laughs. "That's what you want to know, right? If she's been around? Well, I haven't seen her since I moved in. Haven't heard Owen about her either."

I can feel my cheeks turning red. "I- I wasn't..." I stammer, just when the doors open and one of the Ped's nurses starts calling for me as soon as she spots me, as if she were waiting for me.

"Dr. Robbins! You're needed in the OR, straight away!" she informs me. (Like I said, one of those days...)

Andrew quickly leaves the elevator, then turns around, waiting for any further instructions.

"Just keep me posted," I tell him, quickly adding before the doors close again: "..._ON THIS BABY!_"

* * *

Not one, but two emergency surgeries later I find myself in the ICU again. The first operation went well, but I'm worried about the second one, the one on Karin. I performed a hysterectomy, but I'm afraid the removal of her uterus is not gonna be enough. She's not out of the woods yet - at all. Suddenly dealing with both DIC _and_ HELLP syndrome didn't just made her lose a lot of blood, but also made her organs fail.

"I want you to keep a very close eye on her," I tell Andrew, "I'll be around the corner, going over the patient information once more. Come find me as soon as something changes. Don't hesitate."

He nods and I leave the room. I find a free computer and move it towards the room, as I want to be close, just in case. I log in, find Karin's file and start studying it.

"Did you know that Seattle is a city built on top of a city?"

For an instant Carina's voice makes me look up, but as she keeps talking my eyes are already back on the screen.

"Uhm, have you been to- ah, what's its name? The... The Underground?"

"Her baseline pressure was low," I note.

Carina looks confused. "Sorry?"

"My patient, Karin Taylor," I continue, explaining what I just realized. "A high BP for her is a normal BP for anyone else, so when she was showing signs of pre-eclampsia-"

"-her blood pressure seemed to be normal, so no one saw it," Carina finishes my sentence.

I nod. "Yeah."

There's no time to let this information sink in though, as at that exact same moment the monitor in the room starts beeping rapidly and Andrew comes running for me.

"Dr. Robbins, she's in PEA. I just lost her pulse!" he pants.

I waste no second, pushing Carina to the side as I run back into the room with him. Karin looks awfully yellow, due to the liver failure, and a quick glance at the monitor tells me she's indeed in cardiac arrest.

"Matthew, I need you to get out of here, honey," I tell the husband, but he seems frozen to the ground. I pass him and check Karin's pulse, as Andrew starts CPR.

"Okay, stop," I tell him, my eyes on the monitor again. Two, three seconds go by. "Okay," I motion to continue.

Meanwhile, Matthew is still standing right next to me, praying out loud, distracting me, and way worse than that: watching his wife fight for her life.

"Hey, somebody's got to get him out of here, please!" I call over my shoulder for the nurses again. "Matthew, you got to go!"

When he is finally directed out of the room, Andrew draws my attention again. "We're maxed out on pressors and had to stop dialysis before she started coding."

"Okay. Let's get ECMO set up. As soon as we get her back, I want it ready," I instruct the people around me. "One of epi!"

One of the nurses hastily leaves the room to get the heart-lung machine. The beeping of the heart monitor increases. We continue chest compressions, taking turns every few minutes now, ignoring the sound of the flat-line. I order to push another microgram of epinephrine. But it's just not enough. I have to tell Andrew and the others to stop. I have to tell myself to stop. And with Matthew still watching us, still able to hear us from outside the room, I have to say those horrible words.

"Time of death: 16:48..."

* * *

After filling in all the forms and checklists, certifying Karin's death, I finally leave her room; leaving it to the staff to take further care of her and to take her to the hospital morgue.

"Hey."

I look up. It's April.

She doesn't know yet. And I don't want her to know. She's already been through so much today. They lost the young boy that got shot, and I'm sure she heard about Stadler by now. She looks beaten. Devastated. But the question is in her eyes.

I can't say it though, not again. So instead I just nod in the direction of the room. Together we watch how Karin gets covered up. Together we just stand there.

"He was not with me today," my friend finally speaks up again, her voice weak and hoarse, her face clouded with sadness.

I narrow my eyes. "Who wasn't?"

"God," she whispers, closing her eyes as if she wants the world to disappear, not able to bear it anymore. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I tell her, as I lay my hand on her shoulder. "I know I sounded a bit harsh in the OR, but that was just me stressing out. You know that, right?" She stares at me again, a dull look in her eyes, but doesn't answer me. "April, you didn't know."

A deep sigh escapes her. "I- I have to go," she mutters. "I need to check on..." She doesn't finish her sentence, as she's already walking away.

Taking a deep breath, I start walking in the other direction, towards the attendings' lounge. It's time to leave this day behind me. I don't waste time lingering around, or chatting with co-workers who are also heading home. I just wanna get out of here. So I quickly change out of my scrubs and grab my stuff from my locker. Just when I'm about to leave the lounge again, Carina walks in.

"Ah, you're still here!" she exclaims.

"Only physically," I set her straight, "Mentally I checked out like half an hour ago!"

She walks up to me and leans against my locker. "Rough day, huh?"

"Very rough," I admit.

"Do you wanna grab a drink or something?" she asks, giving me a half smile. "To help you forget about your sorrows?"

I smile back at her. "Honestly, all I wanna do is go home right now. To my kid," I sigh, quickly adding, "I'm sorry."

I don't even know if I'm apologizing for turning her down, or for bringing up my child. Probably both. It doesn't seem to upset her though.

"Of course," she just says, still smiling.

"Sorry," I mumble again, as she bends down and takes my bag from the floor. She cautiously throws it over to me.

"Don't be!" she laughs. "Just hurry home. Go!"

I can't help but laugh as well. "Okay, okay, I go. I'm gone!" I grin as I leave the room and close the door behind me, only to quickly open it again. "Ciao!"

"GO!" she yells again, throwing her head back in laughter. And so I do.

Two minutes later the glass entrance doors slide open, then close again behind me. I'm outside. I inhale, breathing in the fresh air, and make my way to my car. As I do so I take my phone from my bag and start to type my short message.

_"No"_

Her reply comes quickly. _"No?!"_

My fingers fly over the screen again.

_"No, I've never been to The Underground... yet! ;-) "_

... ...


	14. Harder, Better, Faster

Death. It might be part of the job, but I don't think I'll ever really get used to it. Sure, after all this years I found my way to deal with it, to face forward again, but it always takes time - with some cases more than with others. By now I know the drill. I know that when a case really hits me, it paralyzes me. And the only way to get out of that dark place is to actually give in to it. To cocoon.

Which is why I spent the entire day at home yesterday, and call Bailey again this morning to tell her I take an extra day off today. For some reason I can't reach her, but I just trust that she'll get the message and it will be fine. As soon as I come home from bringing Sofia to school I climb back into bed. I waste the next two hours with Netflix and lousy magazines.

It's less entertaining than it might sound like and in the end it doesn't make me feel that much better, but when the doorbell rings I'm not even considering getting up. Unfortunately it keeps ringing, driving me absolutely crazy and leaving me no choice. As I make my way to the front door I realize I'm not even bothered by the fact that it might be important, I just need that sound to stop.

I open the door. It's April, hidden behind her dark sunglasses.

"Black coffee, please!" she moans. "Extra strong."

"Morning sunshine," I tell her with a weak smile, widening the door to invite her in. "Looking good today!"

She follows me into the hall, then into the kitchen. "Seen a mirror yet?" she grumbles.

As she takes a seat at the kitchen table, I walk to the counter and turn on the coffee machine. "Don't you need to be at the hospital already? To kick off that competition?"

"A little waiting won't hurt them," April answers behind me. I can hear her suppress a yawn. "You're not entering?"

"Nah," I shrug, right when the green light on the machine stops flashing. I press the button. Fresh coffee starts to stream into our mugs, together with the usual steam and noise. When the kitchen is quiet again I pick up our lungos and turn around to join her at the table. "I'm lacking inspiration."

April looks around her. My kitchen is a mess, the kind you can't blame on a seven-year-old. She frowns. "You're not just talking work, aren't you? Did you even have breakfast?"

"Depends," I shrug again, "Do chips and cookies count?"

"Sure," she snorts. "As long as it's solid, right?"

I narrow my eyes. "Something tells me you picked another poison. What was it? Gin? Tequila?"

"Just wine," she answers. She drops her head on the table, hiding her face from me. "Wine and interns. Well, just one intern... but... yeah."

I stretch my arm and briefly rest my hand on top of her head, ruffling her hair a little. "Don't beat yourself up. We've all been there. Craving a human bandage."

April slowly looks up again. "Carina?"

I shake my head and make a face. "Leah Murphy!"

She mirrors my expression. "Right!" she winces playfully. For a brief moment she shows a hint of a smile. "Still, I'm pretty sure I remember you calling Carina therapeutic, curative sex."

An unexpected giggle escapes my lips. "Well, yeah, I'm not saying she wasn't helpful," I chuckle.

"But?"

"But she's not just sex," I point out. "We are not just sex."

She tilts her head a little. "What are you then?"

"I... have no clue, actually," I sigh. "Let's just say we're quite busy figuring that out." I take a sip of my coffee, then peer at my friend over the edge of my mug. She really does look miserable. I scrape my throat. "We were talking about you, though. What's going on, April? What do you need?"

April just stares at me, in a way that makes me wonder if she's actually seeing me. "Nothing," she quietly sighs. "I don't need anything. There are things that can't be solved with coffee and hugs."

I raise my eyebrow, giving her a questionable look.

"I'm serious," she goes on, "The very last thing I can handle right now is some precious snowflake treatment. Things are depressing enough as they are."

I don't think I've ever heard her this cynical, and that includes all those nights when we boozed up together to analyze life and all its nonsense. Without a word I get up from my seat, walk around the table and wrap my arms around her.

"Arizona!" she cries out. "What did I just s-"

"Ssst," I shush her, as she starts wiggling, trying to release herself from my embrace. I'm not letting go though. "I'll do as you ask. I promise. This one is just to remind you what's actually here, waiting for you, anytime, as soon as you're done with bitterness."

She exhales and when I feel how she relaxes a little I slowly let go. I press a soft kiss on top of her head, then shove her mug a bit more towards her. "Now drink your coffee. The world is waiting for you."

* * *

Twenty-four hours later. I still don't feel any better. In fact, I feel worse, as I'm now also worried about April. She doesn't just seem to mourn our patient - I'm really afraid she's dealing with some existential crisis, and she's doing it all alone. I'm no stranger to the concept, and I know how picking the hard road can seem, can _be_ the essential step to take. It comes with the realization that the world is not here to save you. That you have to save yourself. Waiting for someone to catch you is just a waste of time. I understand. I do. Still I really wish things were different.

Work doesn't wait forever though, so here I am, back at the hospital. Dragging myself through the hallways, already exhausted from just one simple consult, I slowly exhale. I drop myself on one of the chairs, my eyes at the floor, but look up again at the sound of Carina's voice.

"Hey," she greets me, as she shows up from around the corner.

"Hi," I echo. I wanna smile at her, but the lack of energy makes it quite impossible.

She sits down next to me. "I haven't seen you. Have you been ill?" she asks.

"No, I took some time off," I simply answer.

"To work on the contest?"

I shake my head. "No. I'm not doing that."

"But why not?" she frowns.

I sigh. "Honestly? I barely made it out of bed for that consult."

"Aaah," she sympathizes, while I keep gazing into the distance, continuing how it never gets easier to lose a mom.

Carina shifts in her seat and puts her arm on the back of my chair. "I can only imagine," she sighs.

"No matter how many times, it's-" I suddenly look at her. "What do you mean, you can only imagine?"

She squints her eyes at me. "What do you mean, no matter how many times?" she asks me in return.

"You've _never_ lost a mom?" I ask, checking if I'm actually hearing this right.

Carina looks just as shocked. "Have you lost more than one?!"

As I'm quickly trying to process what she is saying, and what I'm saying, and how there's something really not okay there, I just stare at her for a second, before abruptly jumping to my feet.

"Excuse me," I mumble, hardly giving her a chance to respond as I'm already on my way. I have some research to do.

* * *

Data. Statistics. Publications. Records. All about maternal mortality. I've been reading, checking and studying them for hours yesterday, and I continue to do so this morning - locked away in an office the size of a medium walk-in closet. I'm not happy. I am intrigued though. And focused. Which is why I barely register the door opening behind me.

It's April, glancing around like she's looking for a place to hide.

"Oh, hi. Sorry," she apologizes.

My eyes are back on my screen already. "It's fine," I just tell her, which apparently sounds the same as "Please, distract me right now".

"So, the intern I'm sleeping with is everywhere. We have a no-daylight rule, but he keeps making faces at me, like 'I've seen you naked' faces." I draw my eyes away from the computer, not able to focus anymore, and look up at her as she rambles on. "And I can't do anything about it because he _has_, so I'm just, like, hiding from him by day and then un-hiding at night. I'm like a sex vampire."

"These numbers are insane," I jump in as soon as she falls quiet. "26.4 out of every 100,000."

April shakes her head, confused. "26.4 what?"

"Mothers," I clarify. "Dying from having babies!"

"Arizona..."

"I mean, Italy's is 4.2. So, why is our maternity mortality rate six times higher than Italy's? What's going on?" I question out loud.

"I am sorry about what happened to Karin," April kinda snaps, "I am so sorry that I can't sleep without at least a bottle of wine. I promise you I am punishing myself enough without having-"

"This is not about you, April," I cut her off, as I'm trying to focus on this details again. "Just stop talking."

In a way it is about her though. Just as it's about me. Because I believe that we need this. That this can actually help - me, just as well as her. I look up at her again. "I'm sorry. You wanted tough love. Let this be part of the tough love."

A little flabbergasted as it seems, she just stares at me.

"Unless you'd rather have another hug?" I cautiously ask her.

Her face twists. "Ughr," she grumbles in frustration, which I guess means 'no', or maybe even 'shut up'. Whatever it is, I don't get the chance to check, as she promptly leaves the room without another word.

I really wished she would have gone for the hug.

I don't get a chance to ponder on it, as my beeping phone pulls me away from my thoughts. It's a message from Carina, asking me about my lunch plans.

_"Sorry, way too busy for food,"_ I quickly text her back.

Her answer shows up before I can dive into the next charts. _"Alright"_ it says, almost immediately followed by: _"Are you okay? You got me a bit worried yesterday..."_

I feel a twitch in my stomach. I don't want to sound indifferent and I definitely don't want her to feel bad! My fingers hit the tiny keyboard again. _"I am okay. Just on to something. I'll tell you all about it... after work maybe? At the bar?"_

As always, her reply is quick._ "Glad you're okay. See you tonight. Can't wait! xx"_

I share the feeling...

* * *

I got it! I know what I wanna do. I know how I wanna do it. I just don't have time enough to put it all on paper. In fact, as I run through the hallways of the hospital I realize I might even be too late to enter at all. Which is kind of why I barge into the conference room like a maniac.

"Karin Taylor was 33 years old!" I blurt out.

"Arizona, stop!" April sighs, as she looks up from her papers.

I feel like I can't though. "She was in pristine health. She gave birth to a gorgeous 6-pound, 7-ounce baby," I continue in one single breath.

"Stop!" she tells me again, "This is not healthy, and it's not gonna bring Karin back."

"This _is_ healthy!" I raise my voice in excitement. "This is my paper. It's a verbal paper, but this is what I am going to study! And it may not bring Karin back, but it could help a whole lot of future Karins. So please, _please_, just listen!"

April shifts in her seat, faces me, and finally gives me her full attention. "Okay," she grants.

I take a deep breath. This is my one chance.

"Karin was healthy, and now she's dead. From an entirely treatable condition. Okay? And it wasn't my fault, and it wasn't your fault that she died. Do you hear me? It wasn't your fault." April swallows and averts her eyes for a second. I keep talking. "But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't fix it. Pre-eclampsia is only one of the reasons that we are losing laboring mothers at an unprecedented rate. The United States has one of the worst rates of maternal mortality in the entire developed world. There is something going on here, and we need to fix it. Not someday, but now!"

As soon as I stop talking the silence of the room falls over us. I exhale. I look at my friend. I can't hide the expectation in my eyes. Please, I pray, please get how important this is.

And she does. She gets it. I can tell before she speaks up.

"Put that in writing," she slowly nods. "Send it to me."

Relieved and grateful to still get this chance I nod as well. "Okay," I tell her, already spinning on my heels to go do as she asks.

"Arizona?" April calls, right before I reach the door. I turn around and watch how her mouth curves into a little smile. "Thank you."

* * *

As I walk into the crowded bar, my eyes immediately start to scan the room. It seems like half the hospital is present tonight. I'm not here for them though, I'm only looking for one person right now. And she's already here. Sitting at the bar. Waiting for me.

I quickly walk over to her.

"Hey!" I cheer.

Carina puts her glass down and shifts on her seat, turning towards me. "Hi!" she brightens.

"Thank you," I blurt out straight away, "for being worried about me."

She shakes her head. "Of course! And you seem better. Are you... better?" she double checks.

"Yeah. I entered the contest!" I nod. "And, I mean, I don't know- I don't know if I'll get in, but I'm gonna study maternal mortality. And you're an O.B. And Italy seems to have it way more figured out than we do," I ramble on, while her eyes grow big with enthusiasm. "So... would you like to be my partner?"

Tilting her head, her smile grows even bigger. "Your partner?"

I nod again. "Yeah. On the study."

She gazes at me, keeping our eyes locked. "Only on the study?" she asks suggestively.

Once again she leaves me speechless. Is she really asking...? And if she is, is there really any reason, any reason at all, to keep waiting?

She's more than just sex, I remember telling April. And it's true. She is so much more. She's sweet, and caring, and smart, and funny - oh, so funny. And she is the only one I wanna be with right now. She really is. No matter what.

So no, I don't want to wait, I _cannot_ wait any longer.

Not able to hide the smirk creeping on my face I step forward, gently cup her face into my hands and press my lips against hers. As soon as they touch I know this is what I should have been doing all along. Kissing her again... it feels like coming home. And as I can feel her smile into our kiss, pulling me closer with her fingers tangled in my hair, I just know she must feel the same.

When we break apart, our eyes meet. I can't help but stare at her, unconsciously licking my lips a little.

"You're sure about this?" I whisper.

"I am," she softly smiles.

I lean in for another tender kiss, then look at her again. I narrow my eyes as I survey her face. "You're still spooked, aren't you?"

She swallows, then slowly nods. "I am," she admits. "A little bit. But I don't want to be! Believe me, I don't want to run anymore."

"I believe you," I smile at her, "And it's okay. We can be a little spooked together. And if you do run, we'll just run together." I tug a string of hair behind her ear, before pulling her in for another slow kiss. When our lips break apart I rest my forehead against hers.

"_Bien? _" I breathe against her lips.

A warm, genuine laugh escapes her. "_Bene! _" she chuckles.

I blush, and she instantaneously prints a soft peck on my cheek. "You're so cute," she mumbles, smiling against my skin. Not waiting for my response, she suddenly sits up straight and gestures at the bartender to get me a glass of wine as well. She's taking care of me. Now who's cute?

As the bartender puts a second glass on the bar, Carina spins me around in her arms, then pulls me close again. Hugging me from behind like this, she rests her chin on my shoulder. For a moment we just stay like this, with me swooning in her arms. We watch our co-workers being all excited about the contest, eagerly waiting for the results. We listen to the music playing from the jukebox right behind us. We don't really do anything else. We are just being us.

We are us.

With her mouth close to my ear she quietly speaks up again. "I called Roberto."

"You did?" I turn around to face her again, leaning against the bar stool next to hers as I do so. "What made you change your mind?"

She shrugs, almost a little apologetically. "I got stuck. I knew that, long before I got here. And I knew it wasn't helpful, I knew in the end I needed to move on. I just... I couldn't. Not without a purpose. Without a reason."

She pulls me in by my blazer and brushes her lips against mine once more, before moving them to my ear again. "I think I found my reason."

... ...


	15. Stronger

"Okay everyone, the results are in!" As always, Richard Webber knows how to make an entrance.

As soon as the news is out we all grasp for our phones to check our email. Maggie, sitting next to us at the bar with Jackson and Owen, is a little ahead of me.

"Yes! Yes!" she joyfully cheers, telling us her proposal got through, while my eyes are still flying over the screen. There it is!

"Yesss!" I follow Maggie's example.

Owen swiftly turns around to face me. "You got in?" he asks enthusiastically. He must have seen me with Carina, but he doesn't show any awkwardness or hostility toward me.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" I bounce on my seat, high-fiving him. My eyes meet Maggie's and we share a fist bump. "Game on, Missy!" I wink.

"Game on!" she laughs, showing me a big grin.

I peek around to see how everyone else is doing, but before I can have a good look I feel a pair of hands on my hips and a pair of lips against my ear.

"Congratulations," Carina tells me, her voice soft and warm. "You're going to rock!"

I turn around on my stool without getting up and pull her towards me. As she's standing between my knees I draw her towards me for a brief kiss. "_We_ are going to rock!" I correct her with the biggest smile on my face.

She simply answers me by connecting our lips again. We don't get the chance to deepen our kiss though, as Richard's loud voice suddenly sounds behind me once more, making me look over my shoulder.

"Excuse me, you're on my dance floor here! Excuse me!" he tells pretty much everyone around him.

I quickly turn around on my seat again. I need to see this!

Richard leads his wife to the open space he just created. "We are celebrating your birthday a little early, okay?" he tells her, while rhythmic salsa music starts playing through the speakers.

Catherine's glorious laugh fills the bar, and as they start dancing their audience begins to cheer and applaud for them. It doesn't take long before other people join them and before I know it half of the hospital is on their feet, crowding the dance floor.

Carina takes my hand. "Are you up for it?" she asks, a playful twinkle in her eyes.

I jump up from my seat.

"Always!" I cry out, squeezing her hand. Five seconds later we're part of the heaving mass, though dancing together like we are the only ones here. Our weak attempt to try some salsa dancing quickly turns into a more intimate kind of swaying when I wrap my arms around her neck, while she pulls me in by my waist. With her hands on the small of my back I melt into her body.

I rest my cheek against hers and close my eyes for a second. When I open them again my dreamy gaze happens to cross Amelia's. She's sitting at a table in the corner of the pub, together with Alex and Andrew, and I'd swear she was looking all serious before, but as soon as she spots me the corner of her mouth quirks up.

"Isn't the time always wrong?" she'd asked me not that long ago. She might have been right after all. Although nothing - absolutely nothing - feels wrong about this moment.

I quickly return her smile before Carina spins us around again. My eye catches the clock behind the bar. It's 8:45. I don't register it straight away, but when I do I react instantly by pulling back a little.

"I have to go," I blurt out.

Carina frowns. "But why?" she asks. "You're not changing into a pumpkin, no?"

I burst into laughter. "Wouldn't that be something!? No, I just promised my sitter I'd be home at nine," I clarify.

"Ah, of course," she nods. I could be wrong, but I think I hear a hint of disappointment in her voice. There's really no reason though. I swiftly pull her in again, moving my lips to her ear.

"Come with me?" I ask, my voice hardly louder than a whisper, but full of expectation.

She looks at me, narrowing her eyes a little. "Are you sure?"

"More than anything," I answer, before leaning in and quietly adding with a playful wink, "Let me show you a little bit more of Seattle!"

* * *

"Thanks, Haley. Have a good night," I tell the sitter before closing the door behind her. I turn around. Carina is standing at the other side of the hall, a few feet away from me. She looks a little lost all of a sudden, even though she's been here before quite a few times. I quickly close the distance between us, take her face in my hands and pull her lips to mine. She slowly exhales, and as our mouths move together in sync, I can feel how she relaxes even more.

"You're okay?" I sigh against her lips.

She pulls me in again. "I'm great," she breathes in between more kisses. "I'm with you."

"And I'm with you," I smile, while the flutters in my stomach grow. Without saying anything else I take her hand and lead her with me. When we climb the stairs I look over my shoulder. "We have to be quiet," I whisper.

"Of course," she nods.

We reach my bedroom. It's covered in darkness, so I take a few quick steps to switch on the bedside lamp. As a soft glow warms the room I swiftly make my way back. Carina has closed the door already.

I checked on Sofia as soon as I got home, finding her fast asleep in her new room. She's always been a tight sleeper, she hardly ever wakes up at night. Yet sudden illness and bad dreams do happen even to the best of us, and it if does, I know it would make her barge in without any warning - all drowsy from sleep, but still, can't have that! Which is why I stretch my arm and lock my bedroom door.

I lift my hand to caress Carina's face. "I can't wait for the two of you to meet," I softly start to explain my action. "But not like this. And not before she's ready." I pull her in for another kiss. "And not before you are ready."

Her face still in the palm of my hand, she slowly nods again. "_Sì_, of course," she says once more, smiling understandingly.

Our lips meet in another soft but passionate embrace. They fit perfectly together. My thumb gently runs the line of her jaw. My lips follow. She tilts her head when I nuzzle her neck, kissing the skin right beneath her ear. The softest moan escapes her throat.

My hands slide from her neck to her shoulders, then further down to her collarbones, till they find the top button of her blouse. I undo it, kiss the revealed skin, then start unbuttoning them all, one by one. Looking up at her through my eyelashes I return her avid grin as I reach the last one. I slowly move my hands back up and shove the garment off her shoulders. It drops to the floor, immediately followed by my blazer.

Carina claims my mouth again for a deep, but short kiss; we're forced to break it when she pulls my shirt over my head. The touch of her hands on my bare skin makes me shiver.

"Cold?" she asks breathlessly.

I shake my head. "Anything but," I smile, before closing the small gap between us again.

Her hands roam my body, running up and down my sides. Her thumbs hit the base of my breasts, move further up, then fondle my nipples through the thin fabric of my bra. A sharp breath escapes me.

I take her by both arms and pull her deeper into the room with me, till we reach the foot end of the bed.

Her lips move to my neck and up to my ear, to that spot that she knows will make me quiver and moan. Our hands keep exploring, getting rid of all the barriers they find along their way. Shoes are kicked off and bras hit the floor, as well as pants and panties.

Once completely undressed, Carina gently pushes me onto the bed, where I quickly remove my prosthetic before pulling her towards me.

She straddles me, her strong legs keeping me pinned to the bed. With both of her hands on my shoulders she pushes me back against the pillows. As she lowers herself for another searing kiss my arms tangle themselves around her back, holding her close against me. Yet I quickly let go of my tight grip when she starts moving her mouth down the column of my throat, and she grasps the opportunity by suddenly sitting back up again, lightly resting on my hips.

I watch how she watches me, her eyes fixated on my lips. I run my tongue over the bottom one. I watch how her chest rises and falls as she tries to collect herself.

Sitting up on my elbows, I take her hand and bring it to my chest, to my heart.

"You feel that?" With my eyes not leaving hers, the words slip out in a whisper. I watch as she clenches her jaw and closes her eyes for a brief moment before she slowly nods.

I watch how she watches me. There's lust in her eyes. Desire. But that's not all. There's something else. Could it be...? She reaches for my hand and directs it to her own heart. She doesn't need to say anything. Our hearts beat the same.

With our eyes still locked her lips form the most beautiful smile.

I sit up even more and replace my hand with my lips, pressing a kiss on her chest - on her heart - before moving them further down to the soft skin between her breasts for more open-mouthed kisses. I leave a hot trail with my tongue as I work my way up towards her hardened nipple. When I flick it with my tongue, her breath hisses through her teeth, making me smile against her trembling body.

When my abdominal muscles are about to give in, I drop myself backwards into the pillows again, causing her to groan in frustration for a split second, until I pull her mouth down to mine and welcome her tongue against my own. Sounds of our heavy breathing fill the air.

Without breaking our kiss Carina lowers her body to lie down, sliding one leg between my thighs. My leg grows wet with her arousal. I wrap my arms around her neck and pull her closer, but she still manages to slip her hand between our bodies. Her palm starts making circular motions over my sensitive, stiff nipple and I moan into her mouth, arching my back in pleasure, pushing myself against her.

With our legs still enlaced, our hands holding on for dear life and our lips unable to let go, we roll over on our side.

She mirrors my pose by sliding one arm around me, holding on tight, before driving her thigh against my throbbing core, grinding it in an increasing rhythm. Gasping for air, I close my eyes and throw my head back.

Carina doesn't let me, though.

"Stay with me," she whimpers, as she slips her arm underneath my head to support it, keeping our foreheads pressed together, and our eyes locked. Her other hand replaces her leg, her fingers now finding my burning sex. I sharply inhale - suddenly wide awake, suddenly craving to touch her in the same way.

I squeeze my hand between our bodies, wetting the tips of my fingers as I brush her entrance. The way my name rolls of her tongue is exhilarating.

I match her gestures, dragging my fingers between her folds and up to her clit. Down and back up. Down and back up. I can feel how her body starts to tense against mine. Reaching her entrance again, I linger for a second.

"More?" I breathe into her mouth.

She swallows, unable to speak straight away, before nodding frantically. "Y-yes," she pants, biting her lips as she's trying to keep her voice down. "Oh, yes!"

My fingers plunge into her and she moves her hips to meet them, curving her body into mine. My thumb searches for her clit, missing half of the time, but hitting it just as often. This time Carina is the one mirroring my actions; the palm of her thumb hitting me in the best way possible each time her fingers dive in.

Our panting increases, our hot breaths now coming in short, staccatoed bursts, hitting each other's lips. My free hand tangles in her hair and I drag her mouth to mine for a hungry kiss. She's still holding me tight, making sure I can't snap my head back as I climb higher and higher, quickly getting closer to the edge, till I teeter on the precipice - about to tumble over.

We keep our fingers moving, our heated bodies pressed against each other. My eyes don't leave her face - my trembling fingers now tracing her jawline. She leans into my touch. I don't want this to end. I want to stay in this moment forever.

But I can't.

Feeling how the walls surrounding my fingers start to contract, how her wetness coats my hand and her whole body jerks against mine, I come undone - a jolt of electricity coursing through me as I finally shut my eyes and bright colors appear behind my lids. Gasping against her lips I call her name in a muted, drawn-out cry.

"Ca-ri-naaa."

And then we fall quiet.

Relaxing our grip a little, though still holding each other close, we both exhale deeply. I slowly open my eyes and look into hers.

"Hey," I sigh blissfully.

She smiles at me, warm and dreamy. "Hi." She leans forward and kisses me lightly on the lips. "_Io sono così innamorata di te!_"

"That was going to be my line!" I hum, a soft chuckle escaping my lips. "Or... does it mean something stupid?" I ask sheepishly.

Her smile grows wider. "It doesn't," she whispers. She kisses me again and pulls me closer. "It means exactly what you think it means."

* * *

Laying sprawled across the bed, my head resting on her naked chest, I listen to the sound of her heart, slowly beating beneath my ear. I softly caress her stomach, my index finger drawing circles around her belly button, making her wriggle a little underneath my feather light touch.

"Weak spot, huh?" I smile against her skin.

"The only one," Carina giggles girlishly. "I swear!" She's got her arm curled around me, her fingers mindlessly playing with my hair.

I increase my invisible circles a little. "So you're saying these abs are just for show then?"

"You got me!" she chuckles, her chest heaving against my cheek.

Adding slightly more pressure to release her from the tickling feeling I keep stroking her, simply unable to stop. That is till I suddenly spot that scar on her belly again. Like before I don't ask about it. Instead I move my face down and gently press my lips onto the harmed spot - just for a second.

When I prop myself up to snuggle back in the crook of her arm I catch the smile in her eyes. There's a warmth in them I haven't seen before.

"I want you to stay," I breathe against her chest.

"I know," she whispers, squeezing me tightly against her. "I want me to stay, too."

Tilting my head a little, I look up at her. "You're sure?"

"More than anything," she slowly nods, repeating my words from earlier this night. "Are you sure, though? Because of Sofia, I mean?"

"More than anything," I grin. "But fair point. I'd have to ask you to hide for a little bit in the morning, till she gets to school. And I do hear what that actually sounds like, and I'd really understand if you don't w-"

Carina quiets me by pressing her lips against mine. "_Sta 'zitto!_" she laughs as soon as she pulls back, "Shut up! It's okay."

"I just don't want you to feel like Anne Frank," I mumble.

She pulls a face. "Please don't compare your daughter with the Nazis!"

An unexpected laugh escapes me. "I would never!" I giggle.

I stretch my neck for another kiss, then sit up for a brief moment to switch off the light and reach for the comforter at our feet. I draw it up and over us. When I lay down again I'm the one draping my arm around her. She rolls onto her side, pulling me with her so I'm holding her closely from behind.

"_Dormi bene, tesoro mio,_" she yawns.

I press a delicate kiss on her shoulder and nuzzle the back of her neck. My hand finds hers and our fingers entwine.

"Goodnight, babe," I whisper.

I don't want to sleep though. I'm tired, yes, but I want to - no, I _need_ to - stay awake, to savor every minute with her. And to be prepared, even though I don't know what for.

It doesn't take long before her warm body relaxes against mine, before her breathing evens out, telling me I'm really the only one who's fighting sleep, as she's drifted off peacefully.

And it's right then, right in that moment, that I heave a small sigh of relief. That I realize that till this very moment I was holding my breath, because - subconsciously and despite everything - I still expected, still secretly worried, that she would get up and leave me again. But she didn't. And she won't.

She's here. Asleep. In my arms.

Sleep creeps up on me. I close my eyes, surrendering.

It's okay.

She'll still be here tomorrow.

END

* * *

... ... ...

* * *

**THANK YOU ALL**

For reading, reviewing & supporting my story!

Writing this fic - on a (pretty much) weekly basis, trying to keep up with the original story, hoping my writing wouldn't bite me in the ass with every new episode (it didn't!) (well, except for those sleepovers at Owen's ;-) grrr lol) - well, it wasn't just a challenge, it was a job! A fun job, but a job nonetheless. A job that I need a break from.

That being said I really didn't intend to write this last chapter to be the final one. I wasn't even thinking about it yet. But right after writing this chapter I suddenly realized this actually _is_ the last one. Coming full circle and all. That if I do have to wrap it up then this is the perfect moment to do so - at least for now.

Will there be a second part? I guess that depends on the direction the show will take from this point on, on my personal schedule, and well, on the question if people are actually waiting for more of course! Tell me what you think, and we'll see...

For now I just say: thanks again for reading. _E arrivederci!_

* * *

**And just in case you were wondering...**

_1\. Mamma mia! _| My goodness!_  
1\. Vieni qua _| Come here_  
1\. S__ei bellissima _| You are beautiful

_2\. Ciao (bella)_ | Hello / Bye (beautiful)

_3\. __Ti sto dicendo,_ _avresti dovuto guardare il suo volto!_ | I'm telling you, you should have seen his face!  
_3\. Non sapevi che era sua figlia?!_ | You didn't know she was his daughter?!  
_3\. Mio Dio!_ | My God!  
_3\. Saluti!_ | Cheers!  
_3\. Buongiorno_ | Good morning

_4\. My bellezza_ | My beauty

_5\. Arrivederci!_ | Goodbye / See you later!  
_5._ _Vino bianco _| White wine  
_5._ _Buon appetito! _| Enjoy your meal!_  
5\. __Zelfs niet als ik je zeg hoe mooi je bent? _| Not even when I tell you how beautiful you are?

_6\. Oddio _| Oh God

_7\. Pronto!_ | Ready (to speak/listen)!

_8\. Bambina _| Child / baby-girl

_10\. Grazie! _| Thanks!  
_10\. F__ratellino _| Little brother_  
10\. F__ette biscottate _| Rusk / biscuits_  
10\. __Sto godendo _| I'm in ecstasy (or more literally: enjoying myself)

_11\. Aspetta! _| Wait up!_  
11\. M__io dolce fratellino _| My sweet little brother_  
11\. __Che cosa? _| What?

_12\. __Alla fine del mondo! _| At the end of the world!

_14\. Bene! _| Okay!

_15\. Io sono così innamorata di te!_ | I'm so in love with you!  
15\. _Dormi bene, tesoro mio _| Sleep well, my darling

* * *

CREDITS: All characters belong to Shondaland. This fic contains original lines from the Grey's Anatomy script (episodes 14.01 till 14.12).


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